The T's

harbarger theory: REAL men are tough, tender and true!

Much has been said and written about what it means to be a real man. Some have suggested that REAL men are the sensitive, cry-at-anything kind of a guy. Others suggest that a REAL man is like cheap toilet paper. You know, he's rough, he's tough and doesn't take crap off anybody! Still others suggest that a REAL man is the kind of guy you can depend upon for anything.

I suggest (not so humbly, I might add) that a REAL man is Tough, Tender and True!

A real man is TOUGH, meaning that he is tough enough to take the slings and arrows for the people he loves. He's tough enough to do what needs to be done and tough enough to do without. A REAL man is the guy who willingly and cheerfully sets his stuff aside so the people he loves can have what they need and want. He's tough enough to be selfless.

A real man is TENDER, meaning that he opens himself up to the feelings and needs of those around him. He listens when they need him. He holds them when they need comforting. He steps into their pain when they are hurting and feeling all alone. A REAL man is the guy who is brave enough to feel the pain of those around him and enter into it. A REAL man doesn't have to be violent or pain-inflicting. He is secure enough to be tender and loving in a dark and violent world.

A real man is TRUE, meaning that he stands with his folks. He is faithful. He fulfills his obligations. He's honest. He's the go-to guy for the people in his life. The people in his life can depend upon him to be there for them ... no matter what. A REAL man is the guy that people call when their life is caving in because they know that he'll be there for them.

A real man is not always the most "successful," because his priorities are not on himself and what society tells him is important. But a real man is the guy that others come to when times get tough. A real man is the guy that women turn to, children adore and that men come to when they are having a hard time. He may not be the most "tool-handy," the most affluent, the coolest or they guy wet dreams are made of. But, he's the guy that is the friend people come to in a pinch, the one women really want to be in a relationship with, the one children want to have as their daddy.

A real man is tough enough to be tender ... tender enough to be true ... true enough to be tough.

harbarger theory: REAL men are tough, tender and true

This is gonna hurt!

harbarger theory: it's supposed to hurt!!

Somehow, folks have gotten it into their heads that life is supposed to be easy. They got it into their head that we aren't supposed to have any pain whatsoever, food is supposed to always be available whenever we want it, jobs aren't supposed to be hard, our partners in life are supposed to meet all of our needs and we're always supposed to get a raise.

That's a bunch of hooey! Pain is a part of life. Good food takes time and is worth waiting for. Hard work doesn't hurt us and makes us appreciate the rewards. Our partners will not and can never meet all of our needs. That's why we have friends and some of our needs just may not get met by someone else. Maybe we should earn our raises, instead of expecting them because we show up and breathe.

In short, I think we've become a bunch of whiny babies who want what we want when we want it however we want it. I say, "Grow up!" Life is SUPPOSED to be hard! Sometimes things hurt. So, toughen up and play through the pain. Scars are just tattoos with better stories!

Some preachers (electronic and otherwise) teach that God will provide the desires of your heart. That's only true when our hearts are in tune with the will of God! God's not the divine Fed-Ex guy. God is ... well, GOD and we should never forget that. So, when they teach this entitlement crock of poo, then just turn the channel and watch a sitcom. It's probably got more meaning, anyway.

We supposed to hurt, and we all feel it at various times. You're not the only one. We're all in this together. Everybody get hit by the shrapnel of life and some of us carry it around in our bodies for the rest of our lives. That's just the way it works.

So, band together. Share the pain. Bandage each other's wounds. But keep going. Play through it. Limp if you need to, but keep going.

We live in a wounded and painful world and we need to keep helping others to live through their pain. It's in the shared pain that we find REAL community and we grow up and become adult human beings. It's in the bandaging of other's wounds that we start to heal ourselves. Life is meant to be lived together.

That's where the joy is. It's in the journey ... together. All of limping down the road together. That where the joy is.

harbarger theory: it's supposed to hurt!

harbarger theory: there's always a "now what"

harbarger theory: there's always a "now what"

One of the dirty little secrets about pastors is that we're usually exhausted by the time Easter's over. The whole process of getting ready for these powerful and holy times of worship like Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, SONRise Service and, of course, Easter worship services tend to wipe ... us ... out. At least ... it does to me.

It sort of reminds me of what the Disciples went through after that first Easter ... but maybe theirs had a LOT more confusion and more overwhelming.

Their Lord ... their Messiah ... their inspiration ... their everything had died. He was gone. They had no idea that he was coming back. He was just ... gone.

Then ... he CAME BACK!!! Can't you imagine what was buzzing about in their brains? Wha?? How can this ...? I can't believe ...! I'm not sure they could have even finished a sentence. At the same time ... life was going on.

So, the question came percolating up. What's next? How do I live now that my Lord has resurrected? In their case, they changed the whole world, spent their life at it and then gave their lives for it.

In my case, what do I do next? Where do I lead next? What do I throw the weight of my attention to? How do I spend my time? What gets my attention?

Hmmmmm. Good questions. I know where I want to go in general. I want to be an even better husband and father and son. I want to lead the church I serve where it needs to go next. I want to continue to try to figure out how to find life balance between ministry, family and personal time. I've never been good at that last one. But maybe .... maybe not!! = )

In the end, my "now what" is to live a life that is reflective of the resurrection. You know, second (and third and fourth and fifth and ...) chances. Treating all people as if they are worthy of the the Son of God giving his life for them ... without exception. Making reconciliation a lifestyle, not a task. Finding joy in the darkness, peace in the storm, love in the loneliness. My 'now what" is to focus on sweating the big stuff and focusing my life on what God declares is important.

What is your "now what?" How will you live out the Resurrection? How?

Dieting Stinks!

harbarger theory: shortened games and potholders make for a lousy way to live

One time, a skinny sports-loving kid told me that all I have to do to lose weight is to just eat less and exercise more. As most confirmed big guys would do (well, the less violent ones, anyway) I just gave him "The Look" and walked away.

But, then I thought a LOT about his suggestion and came up with an analogy that might help him understand why dieting and exercise is a problem for guys like me.

Since he LOVES sports (and I mean lives, sleeps and breathes sports!), I used it as my focus.

I told him that dieting was like being able to only watch SOME football games, but not all. And not that many of my favorite ones. AND, when I did actually get to watch a great game, I could only watch it to somewhere between half-time and the end of the third quarter. And then, I could NEVER know the outcome of the game. Or the stats. Or anything else. No matter HOW MUCH I wanted to know more. I could not ever, ever know anything else. And that would be the ONLY way I could EVER watch a ballgame again.

Then (since exercise is SO much fun), at half-time, I would get the opportunity to knit potholders! yea. i'm so very, very excited. really. woo. hoo.

Yep, for a Foodie and a guy who likes to be active, but hates to exercise ... dieting and exercise is like watching half a game and knitting potholders.

I hate it. But, then again ... I'm an adult and it's time for me to get healthy (and by healthy, I mean thinner and in better shape!). So, I'll deal. That's what adults do. We do what needs done.

But, for all you athletic types and you thin types ... pipe down. At least, until you start watching only half-games and start knitting a whole boatload of potholders. For the next few years.

I know this sounds harsh. But, we fat foodies do get a little tired of being told how to lose weight by people who have never had to do so. You don't get it. This is taking away one of our great loves and replace it with something we don't like. So, until you walk a few miles in our fat shoes, you just won't understand. But, don't worry ... we're still jolly fat fellas!!!!!

harbarger theory: shortened games and potholders make for a lousy way to live

Size Matters!

harbarger theory: it's good to be big.

I'm not the biggest guy. I'm not the strongest guy. Not by far. But ... I am a big, strong guy. I like knowing that I can pick up, shove or move pretty much whatever I want. Sure ... not everything. But, pretty much anything.

I love being that guy! I love knowing that I can help people do what needs to be done. When I belay climbers or high rope course participants, I love knowing that I can do it whether I am tied in or not. I love knowing that I can do lots of things like that.

But ... I've gotten too big. I've proved that you CAN have too much of a good thing. Although I LOVE good food, apparently I eat too much of it. Although I love being a big guy, I am way too big. About 33% too big.

Although I LOVE being active, I hate exercise. Walking, running, cycling, etc in circles or even on the bike path with no where to go bores me. I HATE being bored. Again, too much of a good thing.

But, here's the thing. It's time for me to grow up and start doing the right thing ... even if I don't wanna. I don't need to stop eating good food. Just less of it. However, I DO need to start exercising regularly.

Buuuuut, I don't waaaaaaannnnnaaaa!!! (that's the sound of me whining) Harbarger ... suck it up. Do what needs to be done and lose a third of your big guy body weight. It's time to start now and change your life!

So ... I started today. My young son challenged me. He said that he's going to run a mile a day for the next 40 days. He challenged me to walk a mile for the next 40 days. He really worked at selling me. But ... to be honest, walking one mile is not really that much. So, I started today. But, I walked 2 miles. On a snowy bike path. In the cold. In the gloaming darkness. (I've always wanted to write "gloaming darkness!") It felt good. I liked it.

Will I continue to like it? Who knows. But ... I need to start not caring if I like it or not. I just need to do it because I need to do it. It's the thing to do.

So, I am. Just for complete disclosure, on January 4, I weighed 301.4. Next stop? Under 3 bills. When? Whenever. But I will get there. Last stop? 2 bills. When? Who cares. But. I. will. get. there. I will.

harbarger theory: it's good to be big