Dieting Stinks!

harbarger theory: shortened games and potholders make for a lousy way to live

One time, a skinny sports-loving kid told me that all I have to do to lose weight is to just eat less and exercise more. As most confirmed big guys would do (well, the less violent ones, anyway) I just gave him "The Look" and walked away.

But, then I thought a LOT about his suggestion and came up with an analogy that might help him understand why dieting and exercise is a problem for guys like me.

Since he LOVES sports (and I mean lives, sleeps and breathes sports!), I used it as my focus.

I told him that dieting was like being able to only watch SOME football games, but not all. And not that many of my favorite ones. AND, when I did actually get to watch a great game, I could only watch it to somewhere between half-time and the end of the third quarter. And then, I could NEVER know the outcome of the game. Or the stats. Or anything else. No matter HOW MUCH I wanted to know more. I could not ever, ever know anything else. And that would be the ONLY way I could EVER watch a ballgame again.

Then (since exercise is SO much fun), at half-time, I would get the opportunity to knit potholders! yea. i'm so very, very excited. really. woo. hoo.

Yep, for a Foodie and a guy who likes to be active, but hates to exercise ... dieting and exercise is like watching half a game and knitting potholders.

I hate it. But, then again ... I'm an adult and it's time for me to get healthy (and by healthy, I mean thinner and in better shape!). So, I'll deal. That's what adults do. We do what needs done.

But, for all you athletic types and you thin types ... pipe down. At least, until you start watching only half-games and start knitting a whole boatload of potholders. For the next few years.

I know this sounds harsh. But, we fat foodies do get a little tired of being told how to lose weight by people who have never had to do so. You don't get it. This is taking away one of our great loves and replace it with something we don't like. So, until you walk a few miles in our fat shoes, you just won't understand. But, don't worry ... we're still jolly fat fellas!!!!!

harbarger theory: shortened games and potholders make for a lousy way to live

Size Matters!

harbarger theory: it's good to be big.

I'm not the biggest guy. I'm not the strongest guy. Not by far. But ... I am a big, strong guy. I like knowing that I can pick up, shove or move pretty much whatever I want. Sure ... not everything. But, pretty much anything.

I love being that guy! I love knowing that I can help people do what needs to be done. When I belay climbers or high rope course participants, I love knowing that I can do it whether I am tied in or not. I love knowing that I can do lots of things like that.

But ... I've gotten too big. I've proved that you CAN have too much of a good thing. Although I LOVE good food, apparently I eat too much of it. Although I love being a big guy, I am way too big. About 33% too big.

Although I LOVE being active, I hate exercise. Walking, running, cycling, etc in circles or even on the bike path with no where to go bores me. I HATE being bored. Again, too much of a good thing.

But, here's the thing. It's time for me to grow up and start doing the right thing ... even if I don't wanna. I don't need to stop eating good food. Just less of it. However, I DO need to start exercising regularly.

Buuuuut, I don't waaaaaaannnnnaaaa!!! (that's the sound of me whining) Harbarger ... suck it up. Do what needs to be done and lose a third of your big guy body weight. It's time to start now and change your life!

So ... I started today. My young son challenged me. He said that he's going to run a mile a day for the next 40 days. He challenged me to walk a mile for the next 40 days. He really worked at selling me. But ... to be honest, walking one mile is not really that much. So, I started today. But, I walked 2 miles. On a snowy bike path. In the cold. In the gloaming darkness. (I've always wanted to write "gloaming darkness!") It felt good. I liked it.

Will I continue to like it? Who knows. But ... I need to start not caring if I like it or not. I just need to do it because I need to do it. It's the thing to do.

So, I am. Just for complete disclosure, on January 4, I weighed 301.4. Next stop? Under 3 bills. When? Whenever. But I will get there. Last stop? 2 bills. When? Who cares. But. I. will. get. there. I will.

harbarger theory: it's good to be big