Th-Th-Th-That's All Folks!

harbarger theory: stuttering stinks, I don't care if you are a king.

What do Porky Pig, Max Headroom, Michael Palin, Mel Tillis, King George VI and Joel Harbarger have in common? We all have ears. Oh yeah! And we all stutter.

I'm a stutterer. Like all these famous folks, I'm a stutterer. I can't remember NOT being a stutterer. So is my oldest brother. Maybe I should blame it all on him!!!

I hesitated for a long time about going to see "The King's Speech." Actually, BECAUSE I'm a stutterer, I didn't want to watch another stutterer struggle through his stuttering in public and vicariously share in his humiliation. I like Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter and I REALLY like Geoffrey Rush, but I find it painful to watch another person stutter. Really, really painful.

But, everybody (except Sue) told me that it was wonderful, so I felt like I had to go. We did. It was wonderful. And it was painful. But, it's a great way for stutterers to share with other people how it feels to stutter. The shame, the anxiety, the stares and the averted glances, the cajoling "Just spit it out!" We experience all of it. It's not fun.

Colin Firth did a great job in playing the part. He evidenced the inner anxiety and the physical tension in simply trying to get the words out. Actually, the way Firth played King George VI, I stutter the same way. Some call it stammering, but we get blocked and just can't get the @#$%^& words out. My brother sort of bounces the sounds (like Porky Pig or Max Headroom), but I get stuck and can't get it out.

I thought the movie was excellent and I hope it wins Best Picture and Colin Firth gets Best Actor. But, more than that, I hope that more people learn a bit about us stutterers and learn that we are not stupid because we cannot speak fluently; that we are not "damaged goods" because we get stuck on some word; that we are not "handicapped" because our fluency is compromised.

As a Pastor, I have an obvious flaw. I am an imperfect vessel. But, aren't we all? Every single one of us have our problems. Mine just shows a bit more than other people's do. When I was a Youth Pastor (for 17 years!), I had more than one teenager tell me that my stuttering made me seem more real, more approachable. I appreciated that. I wonder what I would be like if I didn't stutter?

But, I'd give up my stuttering in a minute if I could. It would be gone, gone, gone. But, this is not my lot. Like the Apostle Paul who prayed for his "thorn in the flesh" to be removed, but God chose not to grant that prayer, I have learned that this is a part of me.

So, I embrace it. I stutter. I shuffle words around to ones I can say. I carefully choose my words. Although attracted to it, I chose not to even TRY to be a disc jockey ... or an auctioneer ... or a band announcer. But, I do choose to honor my calling to preach most every week, to speak in public when it's appropriate, to counsel, to chat, to be with people. Athough it IS embarassing at the moment when I stutter, I'm not ashamed of being a stutter any more than I am ashamed of being 6 feet tall. It's who I am.

So, go see The King's Speech. Watch the painful process that King George VI went through to fulfill his calling, his destiny. Then, appreciate the giftedness of those around you who stumble through their speech and who still stand up and do what needs done.

But ... stuttering still stinks.

harbarger theory: stuttering stinks, I don't care if you are a king.

26 years and a day

harbarger theory: sons are a gift of grace

Twenty six years ago yesterday, I called my dear friend, Schuyler, and told him, "I now know what miracles are!" Our son ... our first-born child ... had been born and immediately wrapped me around his teeny-tiny wittle finger. I was instantaneously smitten and still am.

I grew up in a sports-loving family. My brothers loved to play and watch sports and still do. My dad was a star athlete and played and watched sports until his death. My mom has always been an avid sports fan and has done more than anyone's share of bleacher sitting over the years as she NEVER missed one of our games. But, not me. I played sports in elementary school because, that's what Harbargers did. I played football until the beginning of my Junior year in High School and I realized that, actually, I was terrible and would NEVER start. Unlike my family, I didn't and don't watch sports on TV. While I was still in my teens, my mom said, "I hope you have a kid who loves sports!"

So ... Nate enters the picture. I think his first word was "BALL!" Certainly in elementary school and maybe before he was old enough for school, he figured out how to tune in SportsCenter and would eat his breakfast watching it. No cartoons for this boy. He was, and is, fascinated (dare I say obsessed?) with sports.

I watched more sports in his first six years of life than I had ever watched in my lifetime up to that point. Cumulatively. We would sit and watch games. Sometimes, I'd have a book and he'd watch. But, we'd do it together. My favorite team has ALWAYS been whatever team my kids were on. I wore the colors. I watched every single game I could that they played in. I watched soccer, basketball, baseball, football, summer basketball, whatever. I learned to keep stats for baseball and basketball. I took him to pro games. I took him to college games. We watched lots of sports.

And it was worth it. It was worth it because I was with him doing what he wanted. I was participating in the things he loved. I've never regretted any of it. Not even the baseball games where I froze or the football games where I sat in the driving rain. Not one of them. I loved being a part of his life and sports were (and are) his life.

Today, he is the player/manager for a men's baseball team (Sacramento Braves ... and yes, I have a Braves hat!) and is an Assistant Coach for the Varsity Baseball team for Rio Americano High School (yes, I have a Rio Sweatshirt). It's still wall-to-wall sports for the boy.

I'm proud of him. He works hard and does well and does good at his work. He plays hard with his beloved Braves. He takes good care of his boys on his Rio team and teaches them baseball and life. He's a good friend to his buddies. He's a good boss. He's a good son. He's a good grandson. He is the man I hoped he would be.

Happy belated birthday, Nate. I love you.

(by the way, this is a pic of Nate and me whitewater rafting on the famous New River. Woo Hoo! Paddles UP!!)

harbarger theory: sons are a gift of grace

Sci-Fi can be so true!

Harbarger theory: us thulcandrans sure are bent

Just finished reading “Out Of The Silent Planet,” the second Christian book that CS Lewis wrote and the first in his “Space Trilogy.” Written in 1943, it is an interesting book of science fiction that pre-dates Sputnik and the US space travel by over a decade, and of course UK space travel by … well, they still don’t do it, so … FOREVER!!!

Not wanting to offer a spoiler, I can talk about the idea that we here on Thulcandra, as they call it on Malacandra (or Earth as we non-Martians call it) are bent people. We are under the relentlessly bent nature of our own Oyarsa (we call him Lucifer, the Adversary, the Devil or Satan) and therefore, our own understandings of this world and the way all of life should work are bent.

Wouldn’t it be a grand thing to work at what we love and not worry about money and who’s (paycheck, house, status thingee) is bigger? Wouldn’t it be a grand thing that we would be able to recognize the actions of the Divine all around us (as the people of Malacandra were able to see the Eldil {angelic creatures})? Wouldn’t it be a grand thing to simply love each other, so savor the joys of life that we lived in harmony, and serve God without question?

This, my friends, is what theologians call “getting back to Eden.” It is this humble blogger’s opinion that “getting back to Eden” is what Christ referred to as the Kingdom of God. It is my life’s work to help folks realize that powerful dream of every single person living here in the Kingdom of God, living in the newly realized Eden, making Thulcandra like Malacandra.

Let us all work to make God’s kingdom come and God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven!!

Harbarger theory: us thulcandrans sure are bent

Candy Bar Books

harbarger theory: sweet and salty is like a party in your mouth!!

On a drive to pick up Molly's stuff in Missouri, I listened to a book by Anne Lamott (a fave of mine!) called Blue Shoe. It's a novel, but like most novels, sorta kinda grounded in her own experience.

It reminded me of one of my favorite candy bars, the PayDay. In case you are candy-bar deficient, PayDays are those incredible mixes of sweet caramel and salty peanuts. While most candy bars err on the side of not "too much" salt, PayDay goes for it!! Not as much as my beloved Michael's peanuts from Jackson, Ohio, but they do go for it. The mixture of the salty goodness with the rich, sweet caramel is like a party in your mouth!!! Woo Hoo!!!!

Like classic Anne Lamott, this book is a bit salty and a bit sweet, a party in your mind!! A bit heavenly oriented and a bit well grounded on earth. Like most of us, Anne Lamott (and her character Mattie) is a person who is trying to live out her faith while firmly in the midst of life. She makes mistakes. She even does stuff that make the more staid among us raise our eyebrows.

But, she makes no apologies and just keeps plugging along. Her characters are earth-bound saints who are simply seeking to find God, real life, joy and a bit of happiness along the way.

Kinda like the rest of us, eh? Most of us ... OK, ALL of us ... are not able to live that idealized Christian life where we never make moral compromise, we spend our evenings "in the Word" and we never get petty, lustful or have a little too much to drink. Anne Lamott has characters like this and doesn't apologize for them, nor does she laud them. She just lets them live among us.

I find her writing a blessing to me. She lifts my heart and stirs my soul. I'd like to hang out with her characters. I'd love to be their pastor. (I probably am!)

If you want a book that is a little salty and a little sweet, try Blue Shoe. I enjoyed it as an audiobook from our local library. But, if you click on the link, you'll find it at Amazon, too.

harbarger theory: sweet and salty is like a party in your mouth!!