harbarger theory: it really is all about family

I'm (well) old enough to remember the TV show "All In The Family," where Carroll O'Connor played a family patriarch, Archie Bunker, who was racist, misogynistic and all prejudices rolled into one. Jean Stapleton played Edith Bunker, his seemingly ditzy, but oh-so-wise wife, with Sally Struthers playing Gloria, their grown hippie daughter who was married to fellow hippie, Michael Stivek, played by Rob Reiner.  This was to be a send-up of the whole generational conflict going on in the USA during the Viet Nam War.  By the way, my paternal grandfather, Papa (pronounced Pawpaw, for those keeping score at home), thought Archie was getting it about right and didn't catch on that this was deep sarcasm by a bunch of what he would have called "pinko lefties!"

In the midst of all the shenanigans that went on, one of the lessons that was clear was that the Bunker/Stivek families really, really did love each other and, in the end, it was "All About Family."

I, of course, as a father and husband have made more than my share of mistakes (haven't we all ... well, maybe not Wendy!), but I stand (sit?) here today inordinately proud of my family.  Wendy and I have had 35 happily married years.  Nate has had his share of self-imposed struggles, but is weathering them well and is on a great path in life.  Molly has pushed through some storms, both with personal relationships as well as work-related ones, and is having a great life right now.  What a joy!

In the end, I wanted to raise strong, tough, tender, caring, independent, hard-working and fun-loving kids.  It worked.  they are all of the above!  Maybe Wendy and I had a hand in it (undoubtedly mostly Wendy).  Maybe they did a lot of it themselves.  But, in the end, they are amazing and when we get together, we just have the time of our lives!!

In a few days, we all get to be together and it will be fun, with games and food or laughter and teasing and sightseeing and all.  But, most of all, it will be about us hanging out together enjoying looking into each other's eyes, hearing each other's ideas and opinions and laughing.  There will be much laughing!!

We would clearly do anything for each other.  We love each other fiercely.  We ache to be together more, but miles are in the way.  But ... for a time that will be way too short ... we will be together and that will be good.

I am so sad when I hear of families that really don't like to be together.  But, it does serve to remind me of how truly blessed I am.  We love to be together and when we are, it's like heaven on earth.

I love the woman who married me all those years ago, when I was half the man I am today!  I love my kids with all my heart.  I love my family and I am blessed beyond measure!

harbarger theory: it really is all about family

harbarger theory:

love can change us

Wendy and I went to see Maleficent in the theater, believing that it's the kind of movie that is best seen on the BIG screen, not just the big screen that we have in our home.  We were right.  

Of course, after being spoiled by movie prices in the Athens, Ohio area ($4 for all movies ... and FIRST RUN movies too! ... at Movies 10 near Nelsonville!!) we had some sticker shock at the theater prices.  WOW!!  But, that's another blog at another time ... or not.

Let me start with a confession.  I'm not a big Disney fan.  The movies are alright and some are even fun (Jungle Book   - for the music, Aladdin - for Robin Williams as the Genie), but this one was powerful!  Angelina Jolie brought her A game, I think and the Elle Fanning held her own quite well!  The story line was really good, too.

Maybe it's the story lines that bother me about the "Princess" Disney movies.  They are all about damsels in distress that NEED a man/boy to rescue them, or they are willing to give up who they are and what they have so they can have a boyfriend.  That story line really, really bothers me.  I'm all about self-sacrifice, but ... to get a boyfriend?  I don't think so.

But, this was not about getting a boyfriend.  It was about love, ambition, betrayal, anger, revenge, redemption and true love.  Powerful stuff and real-life stuff.  I liked it.  I liked it a lot!! Especially for a Disney movie!

And, here's the crux.  Love can change us.  

SPOILER ALERT!  

At the end, when Aurora, on her sixteenth birthday pricks her finger on the spinning wheel and falls into the sleep (after all, this is the story of Sleeping Beauty), the only thing that can awaken her is "True Love's Kiss."  So, they bring in a boy upon whom she has a crush.  He kisses her.  Nope.  Nothing.  Nada.  Bupkes.  She is still asleep.  So, they (and we) all assume that all is lost and Aurora will sleep forever.

Because Aurora was not afraid of Maleficent like everybody else, she has spent a lot of time with Maleficent in the Moors.  And Maleficent has come to know and actually love Aurora for who she is.  Therefore, Maleficent is taken apart by the effect of her own spell that even she cannot undo.  The one ... the only one ... whom she loves is hopelessly possessed by a powerful spell that leaves her asleep.  

Maleficent is distraught, overcome, beside herself.  She is undone.  So, in the midst of pledging to protect Aurora forever with a fierceness that makes you hope YOU never unwittingly threaten Aurora, Maleficent kisses Aurora with a tearful kiss ... and the spell is broken.

The spell wasn't broken because Aurora needed a boyfriend ... or even a dashing prince.  The spell was broken because someone who was committed to hate and revenge found herself loving someone.  The spell was broken.  But not by a boyfriend ... or a mother ... or a father ... but by a stranger who had come to love this one she hated.  Love changed Maleficent and when she kissed Aurora, she kissed with "True Love's Kiss" and broke the spell.

Now, I realize that the problems in the Middle East and among races and across religious divides are as dense, thorny and impervious as the thorn wall that Maleficent put up to protect the Moors where the Fairies lived.  Nothing seems strong enough or tough enough to take the wall down.  

But, I believe that a long campaign of love can and will defeat hatred and revenge.  There will be casualties.  There always are.  It will not happen quickly.  It never does.  But, do we want to change the world and ... really change it?  We do it with love.  Love can change us.

So, let us wage a lifelong campaign of love in this world.  Love the people you meet (whether they deserve it or not).  Love the people in your household (whether they deserve it or not).  Love yourself (whether you deserve it or not).  Love God (who actually DOES deserve it!).  If you have a choice (and we always do) ... choose love.  ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.

Love changed Maleficent.  Love has changed me.  Love can change the world. 

harbarger theory: love can change us