harbarger theory: 

we all need an anamchara

I read a book a while back and it really touched a nerve within me.  It was The Celtic Way Of Evangelism by Dr. George (Chuck) Hunter.  I have always been fascinated with Celtic art and music and now that I know more of the early missionaries to the Celts, I am even more fascinated!

There's a lot of stuff there from what I call a "Reverse Monastery" where the missionaries to the Celts of Ireland would move into a community (not to a redoubt outside a community), bringing with them useful trades and skills and become a part of that community.  As they did so, they would naturally share their faith and welcome new folks into the community.  In a world where the church seems to want to separate from the "world," I am soooo drawn to the idea of passionate, complete and intentional engagement with a community.

One of the concepts that Dr Hunter lifted up was that of an ANAMCHARA (pronounced ahnahm kahra).  An Anamchara is a spiritual friend.  This is the person who will stand by you, no matter what.  This is the person who will listen to your stuff until the cows come home, change into their jammies and go on to bed.  This is the person who, when you are being whiney and too self-indulgent, will call you on your stuff and get you back in line.  They have your back AND they want you to be the best you can be.  It's a "both/and."  Too often, our friends are "either/or."  They know us, dark sides, light sides, all sides and STILL love us!  They put up with our quirks (they may even like them!), but they aren't shy about calling us out when we are out of line.  

We all need an Anamchara.  We need someone who will help us stay faithful in our marriage, to love our partner even better and more, to help us grow in our faith and to become the people we have always dreamed of becoming.  

I am blessed to have at least 3 Anamcharas in my life.  Marcus Atha, Schuyler Rhodes and Paul Risler are guys who know WAY too much about me and love me anyway.  They have stood by me in my darkest days and laughed with me on my brightest ones.  They are not shy about calling me on my stuff and I am convinced that with one phone call, they would move heaven and earth to help me. And I would happily do the same for them.

We get together as often as we can (with Marcus and Paul with whom I share a state, it's a bit easier). But, we do the best we can through phone, Facebook, email and FaceTime.  We work at it.  We are intentional about it.  We really, really do care about each other.

You need to find an Anamchara for your life.  You need someone (to whom you are not married and preferable to whom you are not related by blood) who will love you in spite of knowing you deeply and will move heaven and earth for you and will call you on your stuff.  You really do need it.

You get an Anamchara by spending lots of time with this person.  You play together.  You eat together.  You pray together.  You work together.  You travel places together.  You spend considerable time together ... AND ... you talk about your stuff together.  You argue.  You debate.  You disagree.  You laugh.  You tease.  You share inside jokes.  You become the best friends you can be.  

If you don't have an Anamchara, you need one.  Make this your JOB NUMBER 1 until you have one.  We are never meant to walk this life alone.  We are supposed to do it "WITH."  Find someone you can walk this world "WITH."

harbarger theory: we all need an anamchara

harbarger theory: just show up

One of the mentors in my life was the inimitable Rev Dr M Steven Games, known to all of us as "Steve."  Steve was a big, lovable, loving, kinda goofy yet really, really deep guy who took a young, extroverted, somewhat cynical Youth Pastor under his wing and taught him patience (still learning that one!) and how to make it in an institutional system like the Church.

He said many things that still rattle around in my brain, like ...

"The Main Thing Is To Keep The Main Thing The Main Thing" ... and 

"You assume that things work the way they are supposed to!" ... and

"You want to get something to eat?" ... and

"The world is run by those who show up."

Steve was the kind of guy who could have organized a way to get 112 people onto a 62 person bus and they'd thank him for it!  He was the kind of guy who would sit with you and listen and talk when he really needed to be somewhere else.  

And the idea that it's important to show up has been a part of my life ever since.  I remember once when I was early in ministry and doing Youth Ministry, a parent of one of my kids had suffered a leaking brain aneurysm.  This was catastrophic and it didn't help a bit that it had been mis-diagnosed at a hospital and he had been sent home.  The aneurysm was a literal time bomb poised to kill or paralyze him at any moment.  Scary stuff!

I was leaving for a week of Middle School Camp the next day and needed to do that last minute stuff (you know what I mean!), but I stopped by the hospital about the time he was scheduled to come out of surgery.  The surgery was still going on and they didn't know WHEN the doc was going to be done.  It was tense.  It was intense (sort of like my Middle School Camp.  Get it?  Intense = In Tents? Sorry.  Never mind)

I had NO IDEA what to do, so I defaulted by having a word of prayer and then sitting down with them and waiting.  We chatted for a bit, then we lapsed into quiet.  So, I started reading old People magazines and waiting.  But, nervously waiting.  After all, I still had stuff to pack, the covers of my journals were STILL at the printers,  and the list went on.  And more than all that, I was a MINISTER!!! ... why was I sitting there like a bump on a log reading old People magazines?  Why didn't I have powerful, meaningful, deep things to say that would cure their pain?  "Loser."  "Jerk."  "Waste."  (that was the gist of my internal monologue)

Then, the Sr Pastor popped in, found out that they were still waiting and chatted for quite a bit, had a word of prayer and ... left.  (HEY! Why didn't I think of that???)

So, I waited with them a bit more and finally the surgeon came out and all had gone well.  He was going to survive and they expected no appreciable damage to him at all!!  Yahoo!!  We rejoiced, prayed words of thanksgiving, gave hugs all around and I left to finish my prep for the week of camp.  

About a month later, a friend of the family in that Waiting Room came to me privately, closed the door and told me how much that family appreciated my quiet, unobtrusive presence.  In fact, the Sr Pastor kind of ticked them off as he prattled on and on and then left.  They loved it that I just sat with them and kept quiet.  

In my own mind, I was saying stuff like, "Yeah, but I didn't do anything or say anything!  I just sat there reading old People magazines and feeling anxious!  That's ridiculous!"

But, as I spent time reflecting on that (probably in my car or shower ... my best thinking spots), I realized that what I DID do was be present.  I showed up.  I was there.  And that was the important thing.  Really ... there was very little to say other than prayer.  How were my words going to relieve their anxiety about a life-threatening condition?  What was there to say?

My presence there (unbeknownst to me!) was mediating the presence of God for them.  I was being a "Little Christ" for them.  CS Lewis (another Mentor for me!) once said in Mere Christianity, 

"Every Christian is to become a little Christ. The whole purpose of becoming a Christian is simply nothing else.”  Maybe we should stop whining about not knowing what to say and so we don't go to someone's side and simply go and sit (and maybe even read old People magazines, but I don't recommend it!).  Maybe we should just show up.

After all, like Steve would say, "The world is run by those who show up!"

harbarger theory: just show up

harbarger theory: 

chaos comes from pain

I have been a camper for 45 years or so.  Over the years, I have learned to be a neat and tidy camper.  I learned that by the bitter experiences of losing things and having them ruined by inclement weather.  Tough ways to learn, but, learn them I did.

So, normally, I put things back where they belong in my pack (that 's why I love packs with pockets!!) and keep things tidy in my tent.  It helps me find stuff when I need them.  Especially after dark!

A week or so ago, I was privileged to help lead River Expedition Camp at our beloved Camp Otterbein.  Part of that trip was a 3 day paddle down the Hocking River (starting at where Clear Creek feeds into the Hocking between Logan and Lancaster and ending at West State Street Fields Boat Access in Athens, for those keeping score at home!).  We primitively camped on gravel and sand bars riverside.  (Now THOSE are great names for Paddler's Watering Holes, if I ever heard any!  As in, "Hey, let's meet later at The Gravel Bar for a Sarsparilla!" or something like that!)

The first night of camping on the river (of course came after the first day of paddling on the river) came on the heels of pretty grueling month of packing, moving out, moving in and unpacking.  The arthritis in my lower back was more than a little angry and it had just ... had ... enough ... thank you very much!!  I was in a whole bunch of pain!  Did I mention that it really, really hurt?  

I had, of course, been keeping up with my Alleve regimen and then augmenting that with a Tylenol Arthritis Strength regimen.  And ... I was STILL in a whole bunch of pain!  So, I rested for a while after dinner, got up for evening devotions and then went to bed early, waking up in the middle of the night to take more Tylenol.

The next morning, my stuff was a mess and it took forever to pack it all up.  I just chalked it up to not camping enough recently.

My back was much better the second day!  I slowed down on my Tylenol consumption (my liver was happy about that!) and still I didn't have much pain.

On the third morning, I was a little startled to find that my stuff was put away, neat and tidy.  I was back to my old ways.  I was a competent camper again.  Hmmm.  It caused me to think.

As I paddled along in my usual position at the back of the pack (what I call "Sweep"), I was thinking about this turn of events.  And it occurred to me. 

Chaos comes out of Pain.  Hmmm ...

Then I thought about the abuse of alcohol and drugs.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about the abuse of children.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about the domestic abuse.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about gambling addiction.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about the use of food as a crutch.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I though about kids (and adults) who act out of anger.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought, "I think I have something here!"  Can much of the ills of our culture come from pain.  Maybe so.  Maybe we don't cope well with pain.  Maybe we never, ever did.  Maybe ... we have always reacted to pain.

After all ...

Didn't Cain kill Abel because of pain?  

Didn't the Trojan War begin out of pain?  

Didn't the Civil War begin out of pain?

Didn't World War I (the War to end all wars) begin out of pain?

Don't I over-eat out of pain (and because I really, really like good food)?

My friends, it seems to me that it behooves us to be healers.  If my treatise is correct and "Chaos comes out of pain," then the way to break that struggle is to help folks heal and find solace.  We are to be agents of redemption; salve for the soul; catalysts for healing deep and inner wounds.  

We do that by praying for and with each other.  

We do that by listening to each other (not necessarily speaking or doing anything.      

          Sometimes it's enough to simply listen).

We do that by helping people have the courage to set a wrong right.  

We do that be stepping into the pain of other people and giving them the courage (maybe 

          simply doing it WITH them) to fix what's broken inside.

Let us be healers my friends.  Let's make this JOB #1!  

harbarger theory:

chaos comes out of pain