harbarger theory: better to have it and not need it

harbarger theory: it's always better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

I have to admit that my long history in the Boy Scouts drilled this into me, but I still live by this rule. Whether it's packing for a trip (I always bring my leatherman and a flashlight) or for an outdoor concert or whatever, I tend to prepare for the unexpected.

I recently had a great time at coffee with an old friend and former Superintendent and I wondered what he wanted to talk about. It turns out he just wanted to pick my meager brain (not much there anymore, I'm afraid!), but I ran through so many scenarios before we met. I wanted to be prepared.

But, isn't that a life lesson? If we are prepared for the unexpected ... then, don't they become the sorta expected? Aren't we then even MORE primed to deal with what we don't expect? I think so. We plan, we think ahead and then we dance to whatever music is playing. The more dance moves we have, the better we dance. (Not that I can dance, but I can sling a metaphor!)

Noah built the Ark in the desert. He planned ahead. He did what needed done to get the job done even when it looked silly. It doesn't have to be raining when you start preparing for the flood. That's what I say!!

We don't know what the future holds. The economy is still getting worse. Loved ones still get sick. War rages on and on. But, we can prepare ourselves to deal with it though loving God and loving our neighbors with all we have. Maybe loving is all we really can hang onto in the end, eh?

Anyway, I try to plan for rain and hope for sunshine.

harbarger theory: it's always better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

coffee friends

harbarger theory: friends are like good coffee ... strong, comforting and enery-giving

I was recently blessed to spend most of a week with one of my oldest and best friends, Schuyler. We talked ... we laughed ... we dreamed about the future ... we challenged each other ... we even got into an argument (although we were saying the same thing, as it turned out). It was good ... very, very good.



I have many buddies and even more acquaintances, but relatively few friends. I think it's because I expect emotional transparency and an intimacy that I just can't sustain with a whole bunch of folks. But ... I hold my good friends very dearly and would move heaven and earth for them. It's more than loyal. These people hold my life in their hearts and I hold theirs.



That life-holding requires a lot of strength, because we don't always agree (nor do we need to!!). It requires a lot of strength, because we do this over a long time (and for Schuyler and me, over a long distance). It requires a lot of strength, because sissies aren't transparent with each other. Transparency is only for the strong!



Friendship also is comforting because these are people who know me ... really, really know me ... and still love me. Wow. That's amazing!! And comforting. I know that, although they may be disappointed or even confused with me, they will ALWAYS have my back. That's real comfort right there. Real comfort.



Friendship is also energy-giving. Maybe BECAUSE I know that they have my back, that by being with them, I get energy. Together, we are more than a sum of our parts. Together, we can (and have) taken on the world and win. Energy is what we all feed from. It is the power-plant of the cosmos. Friendship ... real friendship ... gives us energy.

harbarger theory: friends are like good coffee

harbarger theory: nobody but babies like to be changed ... and even babies usually cry the whole dang time!

I'm currently at a national conference for preacher-types and have heard some amazing people share from their heart ... Brian McLaren, Rob Bell, Bill Hybels, among others. I am blessed to be attending this and rooming with one of my best and longest tenured friends, Schuyler. It's a wonderful thing. Schuyler and I went to seminary together and have stayed close ever since.

What's wonderful is the sharing of a wonderful time like this with powerful messages, inspiring speakers and a whole raft of great resources with a deep friend from whom very little if anything is hidden. We can agree. We can disagree. We can even argue. But, in the end, we love each other like what brothers ought to be. Thanks be to God.

But, I find myself challenged and, if I rise to the challenges, changed. And, although the change (to follow the above metaphor) will rid me of the poopy and messiness of my past. Somehow, I am loathe to do this. Maybe it's the devil I know instead of the devil I don't. Not sure. But I loathe change.

But, as Bill Bryson made so very clear in his wonderful book "A Short History Of Just About Everything", we, who are organic, either change ... or die. So, change is a part of life, isn't it? I need to change and be a better pastor ... a better leader ... a better husband ... a better father ... a better son ... a better Christian ... a better man.

So, begins my next step into change. Man, what is that stink, anyway? Oh yea, it's the stuff that needs to be gotten rid of in the change!! But, I'll still cry all the way through it, I suspect. What a big baby!!!

harbarger theory: nobody but babies like to be changed ... and even babies usually cry the whole dang time!

Messy Food

harbarger theory: messy food is great food. the messier the food, the better it is. never trust food that is too tidy.

Really good food is messy. Great burritos drip down your arm. Great peaches get all over your face. Great honeybell oranges have to be eaten while leaning over the sink so it doesn't get on your shirt. Great ice cream sundaes spill over the sundae dish and onto the saucer under it (or onto the table if it's not!).

Life is like that. Messy. Relationships are not tidy. Wonderful things happen. Mistakes happen. But, if we stick with it, then the relationships get stronger and deeper. Faith is messy. Our lifestyle gets in the way of our inner growth. But, if we keep trying to make our inner life and our outer behavior consistent, then our faith gets deeper and more life-giving. Work is messy. Some days are really great and we succeed. Some days are like running through quicksand ... slow going and dragging us down. But, if we are doing good things for good reasons, then the messiness becomes all worth it.

Life & faith, like great food, is messy. Sometimes it spills over the edge of the bowl. Sometimes it drips down your arm or gets it on your shirt. But, that's what makes it great!

harbarger theory: messy food is great food.

harbarger theory: we allow ponds to form in quarries BECAUSE humans like to throw rocks into water. Over the years of being a dad and being around kids, I realized that people LOVE to throw rocks into water.

Therefore, it stands to reason that since quarries produce a lot of rocks (duh!), that we allow ponds to form to facilitate throwing said rocks into said pond.

But, don't we LOVE to throw rocks in general. As a leader, I've had my share of rocks thrown in my general direction. You probably have, as well. I think we humans (or at least, we Americans) just love to build someone up so we can knock them down. We love to have heroes, but we can't let them stay heroic too long. Maybe it's because we think so little of ourselves that we first need someone who's bigger than us, smarter than us, more talented than us ... then we turn and decide that having someone else bigger, smarter or more talented diminishes us, so we throw rocks.

Wouldn't this world be a better place if we just allowed the bigger, smarter and more talented among us to simply be who they are and we took our place by their side (not under and not over them, just simply alongside) and allowed them to use their giftedness just as we use our giftedness to make this world a better place.

I know, I know ... it would put a lot of people out of work. You know, like "reporters" at the National Enquirer, E! News, etc. But ... on the other hand, that would be a good thing, wouldn't it? Let them also make the world a better place ... and by better, I mean less petty, less snarky, less obsessed with the minutae of someone else's life.

So, throwing rocks is cool. But, let's save it for stuff that deserve the rock-throwing, like ponds, quarries and maybe the occasional tree trunk!

harbarger theory: we allow ponds to form in quarries BECAUSE humans like to throw rocks into water.

the best conversation

harbarger theory - The best conversation ALWAYS occurs over table of dirty dishes. Think back to one of those great meals where the food is pretty good and the conversation is fun and loud and thoughtful and filled with laughter. Then ... someone has the bright idea to move the group to the living room "where we'd all be more comfortable" and suddenly the conversation seems to dry up. We're always more comfortable just sitting at that table picking at the carcasses of the nearly empty plates, playing with our coffee cups and laughing and talking and arguing over the causes of the world or whether Brad and Angelina are gonna have more kids.

harbarger theory - The best conversation ALWAYS occurs over table of dirty dishes.

Humble Patriotism

Ya know, as we live in the shadow of the biggest campaign since JFK was elected ... maybe ever ... I have been reflecting on the nature of patriotism and what it means to love one's country.

Try this on. Could we love our country and what it stands for (the good of many, the dignity of the individual, the rule of the little guy, the repudiation of tyranny, justice, equality, freedom, concern for the less fortunate, etc) and yet be humble enough to recognize that we don't have it all together? Can we be patriotic and yet recognize that not EVERYBODY has to run their nation like we do? Can we love the USA and still believe that the people of another nation can love their country and yet not agree with us?

I'm not talking about protectionism or isolationism. I really don't believe in those things. Tyrants cannot be tolerated. If we CAN help, we probably should. That's the American way, as far as I can tell.

But, we don't need to be toppling regimes just because they say mean things about us. We don't need to be lashing out at nations because they don't agree with us. We don't need to be putting countries or regimes on "Evil" lists of any sort just because we don't like their politics. That's the humble part.

Here's the Harbarger Theory rule about dealing with bullies. If I see a bully taking advantage of someone else, I tell them to stop it. If they don't, then I step between the bully and the target. If they want to try to bully, then try to bully me. Go ahead. Just try. I protect the bullied. That's the rule.

If a regime is bullying it's own people, then America tells them to stop it. If they don't, then we step in between the bully and the target. And we ratchet up the pressure to make them stop.

If a nation is bullying another nation, then, we tell them to stop it. If they don't we step between the bully and their target. And we ratchet up the pressure to make them stop.

If a 16 year old is bullying a 12 year old, I don't just shoot the 16 year old. I try other, non-violent and decelerating strategies to stop the behavior.

If a regime or a nation is bullying, then we don't just go to war on their butts. We try everything (and I mean everything!) else before that last option is put into place. And then we do it right and only as much as we have to.

We are America and I'm proud to be an American (especially after electing a man with African ancestry with a name like Barack Hussein Obama!!). But ... I am embarassed by the ways that we "protect" other nations by becoming bullies instead of by rescuing the perishing.

Harbarger Theory: Stop bullies, but don't become one in the process.