coffee friends

harbarger theory: friends are like good coffee ... strong, comforting and enery-giving

I was recently blessed to spend most of a week with one of my oldest and best friends, Schuyler. We talked ... we laughed ... we dreamed about the future ... we challenged each other ... we even got into an argument (although we were saying the same thing, as it turned out). It was good ... very, very good.



I have many buddies and even more acquaintances, but relatively few friends. I think it's because I expect emotional transparency and an intimacy that I just can't sustain with a whole bunch of folks. But ... I hold my good friends very dearly and would move heaven and earth for them. It's more than loyal. These people hold my life in their hearts and I hold theirs.



That life-holding requires a lot of strength, because we don't always agree (nor do we need to!!). It requires a lot of strength, because we do this over a long time (and for Schuyler and me, over a long distance). It requires a lot of strength, because sissies aren't transparent with each other. Transparency is only for the strong!



Friendship also is comforting because these are people who know me ... really, really know me ... and still love me. Wow. That's amazing!! And comforting. I know that, although they may be disappointed or even confused with me, they will ALWAYS have my back. That's real comfort right there. Real comfort.



Friendship is also energy-giving. Maybe BECAUSE I know that they have my back, that by being with them, I get energy. Together, we are more than a sum of our parts. Together, we can (and have) taken on the world and win. Energy is what we all feed from. It is the power-plant of the cosmos. Friendship ... real friendship ... gives us energy.

harbarger theory: friends are like good coffee

harbarger theory: nobody but babies like to be changed ... and even babies usually cry the whole dang time!

I'm currently at a national conference for preacher-types and have heard some amazing people share from their heart ... Brian McLaren, Rob Bell, Bill Hybels, among others. I am blessed to be attending this and rooming with one of my best and longest tenured friends, Schuyler. It's a wonderful thing. Schuyler and I went to seminary together and have stayed close ever since.

What's wonderful is the sharing of a wonderful time like this with powerful messages, inspiring speakers and a whole raft of great resources with a deep friend from whom very little if anything is hidden. We can agree. We can disagree. We can even argue. But, in the end, we love each other like what brothers ought to be. Thanks be to God.

But, I find myself challenged and, if I rise to the challenges, changed. And, although the change (to follow the above metaphor) will rid me of the poopy and messiness of my past. Somehow, I am loathe to do this. Maybe it's the devil I know instead of the devil I don't. Not sure. But I loathe change.

But, as Bill Bryson made so very clear in his wonderful book "A Short History Of Just About Everything", we, who are organic, either change ... or die. So, change is a part of life, isn't it? I need to change and be a better pastor ... a better leader ... a better husband ... a better father ... a better son ... a better Christian ... a better man.

So, begins my next step into change. Man, what is that stink, anyway? Oh yea, it's the stuff that needs to be gotten rid of in the change!! But, I'll still cry all the way through it, I suspect. What a big baby!!!

harbarger theory: nobody but babies like to be changed ... and even babies usually cry the whole dang time!

Messy Food

harbarger theory: messy food is great food. the messier the food, the better it is. never trust food that is too tidy.

Really good food is messy. Great burritos drip down your arm. Great peaches get all over your face. Great honeybell oranges have to be eaten while leaning over the sink so it doesn't get on your shirt. Great ice cream sundaes spill over the sundae dish and onto the saucer under it (or onto the table if it's not!).

Life is like that. Messy. Relationships are not tidy. Wonderful things happen. Mistakes happen. But, if we stick with it, then the relationships get stronger and deeper. Faith is messy. Our lifestyle gets in the way of our inner growth. But, if we keep trying to make our inner life and our outer behavior consistent, then our faith gets deeper and more life-giving. Work is messy. Some days are really great and we succeed. Some days are like running through quicksand ... slow going and dragging us down. But, if we are doing good things for good reasons, then the messiness becomes all worth it.

Life & faith, like great food, is messy. Sometimes it spills over the edge of the bowl. Sometimes it drips down your arm or gets it on your shirt. But, that's what makes it great!

harbarger theory: messy food is great food.