harbarger theory: it really is all about family

I'm (well) old enough to remember the TV show "All In The Family," where Carroll O'Connor played a family patriarch, Archie Bunker, who was racist, misogynistic and all prejudices rolled into one. Jean Stapleton played Edith Bunker, his seemingly ditzy, but oh-so-wise wife, with Sally Struthers playing Gloria, their grown hippie daughter who was married to fellow hippie, Michael Stivek, played by Rob Reiner.  This was to be a send-up of the whole generational conflict going on in the USA during the Viet Nam War.  By the way, my paternal grandfather, Papa (pronounced Pawpaw, for those keeping score at home), thought Archie was getting it about right and didn't catch on that this was deep sarcasm by a bunch of what he would have called "pinko lefties!"

In the midst of all the shenanigans that went on, one of the lessons that was clear was that the Bunker/Stivek families really, really did love each other and, in the end, it was "All About Family."

I, of course, as a father and husband have made more than my share of mistakes (haven't we all ... well, maybe not Wendy!), but I stand (sit?) here today inordinately proud of my family.  Wendy and I have had 35 happily married years.  Nate has had his share of self-imposed struggles, but is weathering them well and is on a great path in life.  Molly has pushed through some storms, both with personal relationships as well as work-related ones, and is having a great life right now.  What a joy!

In the end, I wanted to raise strong, tough, tender, caring, independent, hard-working and fun-loving kids.  It worked.  they are all of the above!  Maybe Wendy and I had a hand in it (undoubtedly mostly Wendy).  Maybe they did a lot of it themselves.  But, in the end, they are amazing and when we get together, we just have the time of our lives!!

In a few days, we all get to be together and it will be fun, with games and food or laughter and teasing and sightseeing and all.  But, most of all, it will be about us hanging out together enjoying looking into each other's eyes, hearing each other's ideas and opinions and laughing.  There will be much laughing!!

We would clearly do anything for each other.  We love each other fiercely.  We ache to be together more, but miles are in the way.  But ... for a time that will be way too short ... we will be together and that will be good.

I am so sad when I hear of families that really don't like to be together.  But, it does serve to remind me of how truly blessed I am.  We love to be together and when we are, it's like heaven on earth.

I love the woman who married me all those years ago, when I was half the man I am today!  I love my kids with all my heart.  I love my family and I am blessed beyond measure!

harbarger theory: it really is all about family

A Page Has Turned!

harbarger theory: you raise your kids to have wings and darned if they won't use `em!

Yesterday and this morning, we moved almost all of Molly's (our daughter) stuff to the garage in order to stage it for loading a U-Haul truck to take her and (almost) all of her wordly goods to Portland, OR. Then, about 10:30am, she drove off to meet up with some friends in Columbia, MO, where she went to college (maybe for the last time is a very long time).

This makes me sad. As I reflected upon that, it occurred to me that, as long as her stuff was crammed into "her" room (although she has never "lived" here, but only stayed here), there was this illusion of us having a live-in daughter. But, not now. She's gone. I miss her, already.

It also brings up the pain of our son being gone (probably forever) since he moved to California when he was just out of High School and probably won't be moving back, either. I've always missed him, but it was not as poignant since we still had the potential of Molly. He's gone. I've missed him for years.

I guess we are OFFICIALLY empty-nesters. I'd have to say that I don't like it. Not one little bit. I love being a dad. I love interacting with my kids regularly. Sure, I can talk to them anytime with cell phones and texting and e-mail and the interwebz, but ... I can't sit in the living room and drink a cup of morning tea or coffee with them and talk face-to-face. And that's my fave way to talk with anybody.

So ... a page has completely turned. Our kids are both gone and, unless something unexpected happens, they will not be moving back in. I miss it already.

Sure, it can be exciting for Wendy and me to make this next transition, but for right now, I'm just grieving my loss.

I always wanted my kids to be strong, independent, hard-working and happy. They are certainly all of the above. It just stinks that they are doing that two or three thousand miles away from me. I miss hugging my babies.

Nate ... I love you & I miss you!

Molly ... I love you & I miss you!

Pops

harbarger theory: you raise your kids to have wings

and darned if they won't use `em!

Candy Bar Books

harbarger theory: sweet and salty is like a party in your mouth!!

On a drive to pick up Molly's stuff in Missouri, I listened to a book by Anne Lamott (a fave of mine!) called Blue Shoe. It's a novel, but like most novels, sorta kinda grounded in her own experience.

It reminded me of one of my favorite candy bars, the PayDay. In case you are candy-bar deficient, PayDays are those incredible mixes of sweet caramel and salty peanuts. While most candy bars err on the side of not "too much" salt, PayDay goes for it!! Not as much as my beloved Michael's peanuts from Jackson, Ohio, but they do go for it. The mixture of the salty goodness with the rich, sweet caramel is like a party in your mouth!!! Woo Hoo!!!!

Like classic Anne Lamott, this book is a bit salty and a bit sweet, a party in your mind!! A bit heavenly oriented and a bit well grounded on earth. Like most of us, Anne Lamott (and her character Mattie) is a person who is trying to live out her faith while firmly in the midst of life. She makes mistakes. She even does stuff that make the more staid among us raise our eyebrows.

But, she makes no apologies and just keeps plugging along. Her characters are earth-bound saints who are simply seeking to find God, real life, joy and a bit of happiness along the way.

Kinda like the rest of us, eh? Most of us ... OK, ALL of us ... are not able to live that idealized Christian life where we never make moral compromise, we spend our evenings "in the Word" and we never get petty, lustful or have a little too much to drink. Anne Lamott has characters like this and doesn't apologize for them, nor does she laud them. She just lets them live among us.

I find her writing a blessing to me. She lifts my heart and stirs my soul. I'd like to hang out with her characters. I'd love to be their pastor. (I probably am!)

If you want a book that is a little salty and a little sweet, try Blue Shoe. I enjoyed it as an audiobook from our local library. But, if you click on the link, you'll find it at Amazon, too.

harbarger theory: sweet and salty is like a party in your mouth!!

Showing Up

harbarger theory: the most important thing in life is just showing up

Rev. Steve Games, one of my mentors, used to say, "The world is run by those who show up."

The other night, one of the teens in our church melted down and took off and ended up in Missouri. When I heard that, I suggested that our daughter could go get her, so she wouldn't have to spend the night in the care of the police. The parents were happy to have that happen, so I called Molly.

Of course, she immediately said, "Sure! Where is she?" So, we dealt with the details and Molly was deployed. She enlisted her friends and they made plans to take the road-weary girl out for ice cream, to bring snacks and even to make an iPod Playlist to listen to after they took care of her. What a great bunch of women!!!

But, the most important part was their willingness. They had lives and plans and things to do. They could have been doing any number of things (maybe some that a dad doesn't want to hear about!). But, instead ... they immediately said, "Sure! Where is she?"

Steve's probably right about the world being run by those who show up. But, I KNOW that the world is rescued by the willing. By simply being willing to step into the breach, you change the world. By simply putting yourself in a position to help, you raise the chances of good things happening.

What little I understand about Quantum Physics suggests that at every given moment, there are all results are simultaneously available and only when an "observer" interacts with life is there an actual choice. (If you want more, read Max Planck and see if I'm even close!)

When we show up, we become one of the variables in this Quantum Physics understanding of life and we make one of the choices. In Molly's case, it was a good choice! I hope that your choices are much the same. But, we only force those choices by getting involved ... by showing up ... by being willing.

My friends, get off the couch, off the sidelines, out of the chairs around the perimeter of the school dance. Get out the door, into the game or onto the dance floor. Be willing! Show up! Do something good!

You might just save someone's life today. You never know until you show up!!

harbarger theory: the most important thing in life is showing up

harbarger theory:be careful what you pray for

harbarger theory: be careful what you pray for ...

We always prayed that our kids would be people who are strong, independent and world-changers. We raised them to have wings.

Dang it ... sometimes you get what you pray for!!!

Our son is doing wonderful things at his work and with the men and boys that he coaches. He works hard and plays hard ... and OH, SO independent. He's a good friend. He's a role model. He's the kind of guy that other guys want to be. As for the wings ... he lives in California. We live in Ohio. Some strong wings there, eh??

Our daughter is doing exciting things in her life as well. She is now in her last year (or so!) in college earning her baccalaureate degree in two majors. She spent a semester in Japan and succeeded in so many ways. For a pale, sorta redheaded appalachian girl, she's become kinda japanese, now!! In a month or so, she'll be heading to Beijing as a reporter for a couple weeks!!! She and a friend started Winter Camp at Camp Otterbein. She has friends ... I mean REAL friends with people all over the place. As for wings ... she goes to school in Missouri, but, I think she'll be a citizen of the world. Talking about strong wings!!

God answers prayers. Always. And sometimes, God says, "OK ... you asked for it!!", and we get it. We got it.

And we wouldn't have it any other way.

Well ... sometimes we would, but it's our fault!!! We asked for it, didn't we?

harbarger theory: be careful what you pray for ...