harbarger theory: it really is all about family

I'm (well) old enough to remember the TV show "All In The Family," where Carroll O'Connor played a family patriarch, Archie Bunker, who was racist, misogynistic and all prejudices rolled into one. Jean Stapleton played Edith Bunker, his seemingly ditzy, but oh-so-wise wife, with Sally Struthers playing Gloria, their grown hippie daughter who was married to fellow hippie, Michael Stivek, played by Rob Reiner.  This was to be a send-up of the whole generational conflict going on in the USA during the Viet Nam War.  By the way, my paternal grandfather, Papa (pronounced Pawpaw, for those keeping score at home), thought Archie was getting it about right and didn't catch on that this was deep sarcasm by a bunch of what he would have called "pinko lefties!"

In the midst of all the shenanigans that went on, one of the lessons that was clear was that the Bunker/Stivek families really, really did love each other and, in the end, it was "All About Family."

I, of course, as a father and husband have made more than my share of mistakes (haven't we all ... well, maybe not Wendy!), but I stand (sit?) here today inordinately proud of my family.  Wendy and I have had 35 happily married years.  Nate has had his share of self-imposed struggles, but is weathering them well and is on a great path in life.  Molly has pushed through some storms, both with personal relationships as well as work-related ones, and is having a great life right now.  What a joy!

In the end, I wanted to raise strong, tough, tender, caring, independent, hard-working and fun-loving kids.  It worked.  they are all of the above!  Maybe Wendy and I had a hand in it (undoubtedly mostly Wendy).  Maybe they did a lot of it themselves.  But, in the end, they are amazing and when we get together, we just have the time of our lives!!

In a few days, we all get to be together and it will be fun, with games and food or laughter and teasing and sightseeing and all.  But, most of all, it will be about us hanging out together enjoying looking into each other's eyes, hearing each other's ideas and opinions and laughing.  There will be much laughing!!

We would clearly do anything for each other.  We love each other fiercely.  We ache to be together more, but miles are in the way.  But ... for a time that will be way too short ... we will be together and that will be good.

I am so sad when I hear of families that really don't like to be together.  But, it does serve to remind me of how truly blessed I am.  We love to be together and when we are, it's like heaven on earth.

I love the woman who married me all those years ago, when I was half the man I am today!  I love my kids with all my heart.  I love my family and I am blessed beyond measure!

harbarger theory: it really is all about family

harbarger theory:be careful what you pray for

harbarger theory: be careful what you pray for ...

We always prayed that our kids would be people who are strong, independent and world-changers. We raised them to have wings.

Dang it ... sometimes you get what you pray for!!!

Our son is doing wonderful things at his work and with the men and boys that he coaches. He works hard and plays hard ... and OH, SO independent. He's a good friend. He's a role model. He's the kind of guy that other guys want to be. As for the wings ... he lives in California. We live in Ohio. Some strong wings there, eh??

Our daughter is doing exciting things in her life as well. She is now in her last year (or so!) in college earning her baccalaureate degree in two majors. She spent a semester in Japan and succeeded in so many ways. For a pale, sorta redheaded appalachian girl, she's become kinda japanese, now!! In a month or so, she'll be heading to Beijing as a reporter for a couple weeks!!! She and a friend started Winter Camp at Camp Otterbein. She has friends ... I mean REAL friends with people all over the place. As for wings ... she goes to school in Missouri, but, I think she'll be a citizen of the world. Talking about strong wings!!

God answers prayers. Always. And sometimes, God says, "OK ... you asked for it!!", and we get it. We got it.

And we wouldn't have it any other way.

Well ... sometimes we would, but it's our fault!!! We asked for it, didn't we?

harbarger theory: be careful what you pray for ...

Pain

An interesting week.

Tuesday morning, I buried a 32 yr old single mom. She was in a single car accident and left behind a 14 year old orphan. Dad was never around. The daughter is well loved by her grandma with whom she and her mom have always lived and her aunt and uncle and their families. She's not without love ... but she doesn't have her mom's loving anymore. Extraordinarily sad!

Tuesday night, we got a call from our daughter that she had a massive infection in her leg that caused significant pain. (She's a toughie, so if it caused significant pain, it really, really hurt!). She went to the Urgent Care, had it lanced, dressed and infused with antibiotics and sent home. She's better, but still hurting. She's 600 miles away from us.

Thursday afternoon, I got a call from our son who has a friend who broke his arm badly in the middle of the night and so he went to that hospital straight from a hospital room where another friend's dad had a stroke. He went from caring for emotional pain to physical pain. He's 2,400 miles away.

The issue is that there is pain all around us, isn't there? It never stops. It never sleeps. It just keeps sharing it's infection.

But, isn't that why we have each other? Isn't that why we have the Church (caps intentional!). We can't hold our daughter when she's crying because of her leg pain. We can't hold our son when he's crying over his friend's pains. We can hold this newly orphaned girl as she cries and rants and rails over the injustice of never knowing her dad and now losing her mom. We can hold the ones close to us and hope that others are holding the ones close to our hearts, but not close to our bodies.

My friends ... step into other people's pain. It's our job. It's our duty. It's our honor. Step into it and share it. It may hurt YOU more, but it will lessen the impact on them. Do it. No whining. Do it.

Do it today.