harbarger theory: never, ever waste a vote

It wasn't until 1920 (that's right 1920!) that women had the right to vote in the United States of America.  That was nearly 150 years after the signing of the Declaration Of Independence!!  These days, it's hard to believe that it took that long to grant a basic civil right to a predominant class of the citizenry.  But, it is a hard and sad, sad truth.

What's more, although Black Americans were granted the right to vote freely in elections way back in 1870, it took the Voting Rights Act of 1965 to make that a reality for many.  Jim Crow Laws kept so many blacks out of the voting booths that it the black vote was a cruel and bitter joke.

As a pastor, I will be the last person to tell you for whom and for what you should vote.  That is not my place. But, it is well within my purview to share with you what your role as a citizen is.

It was St Augustine  (Dr Robert Bull, one of my seminary professors, suggested that the theologian's name is pronounced au-GUS-tenn and the city in Florida is pronounced AWE-gus-teen) who suggested in City of God that we Christians are to be good citizens and participate in the machinery of government as far as our ethics will allow.  Since Augustine is the one who has influenced Western Christian Theology more than any other, I'll take his suggestion to heart.

Therefore, it is my deeply held belief that we, as Christians, have a responsibility to apply the principles of the Kingdom of God to our civic life.  Many folks have made much of "values voters" in past elections.  I'm not really sure what that means, because I believe that all voters are values voters.  Of course, those values may range from how good-looking or well-spoken a candidate is to the value of money in their own pocket to more intangible values.  But, values they all are!  Values they all are!

If I am to shape my political opinions based upon the Kingdom of God though, then I think the following "values" need to come to the fore.

- Care for the least and the last and the lost
In my cosmology, this entails rules/laws that make it so that the playing field is, indeed, fair and flat.  All are respected and all are given equal opportunity.  This is NOT socialism.  This is honoring the dignity of all people.  VERY different concepts.  When the playing field is fair and flat, then the poor, the marginalized and the neglected are allowed the same opportunities of involvement as the well-heeled, the powerful and those with advantage.

- We play the long game
Too often, we (voters, shareholders, leaders, everybody) think of today, tomorrow or maybe as far ahead as next week.  What if, instead, we thought of how this policy or that will affect our children or grandchildren?  What if we built our nation's economic, energy and social policies with an eye to how it will affect the next generation or even the one after that?  I think they would drastically change!!

- We expect, nay even DEMAND, integrity from our leaders
Too often, we elect people based upon what they SAY they will do and then are either happy that they do not do it, or vote them out of office when they come through with it.  We like the ideals, but hate the realities.  Or we give a wink and nod when our leaders are profligate with tax dollars or campaign contributions; or shrug our shoulders when they don't show up to vote or do their job, or show questionable moral behavior.  Why can't we expect our governmental leaders to live out the values that they espouse on the campaign trail?  Why can't we expect our elected leaders to simply do their job, keep their fingers out of the till and not make convenient compromises on important issues?

- We vote.  At every single opportunity, we vote.
In my mind, if you don't vote, then don't complain about the elected leaders.  Never.  Not once.  If you don't work to fix the problem, you don't have room to grouse about it.  If you do, you're just a whiner.  Vote absentee.  Vote provisionally.  Get up earlier.  Take time off work.  Do whatever is necessary.  But ... vote.  If it's inconvenient ... vote anyway.

On that same note, it is my personal opinion (not as a pastor, nor as a representative or the United Methodist Church or any other organization ... just as Joel), that ANY restriction on the right/opportunity/access to voting is wrong.  Dead wrong.  We should be making it possible for each and every single US Citizen to vote.  Even if my candidate or party is voted completely out of office across the board, I want every single person possible to vote.  Bar none.  No exceptions.  None.  Any official who advocates for that is wrong, and in my opinion, should be relieved of office.

- We get involved in our community
Not only do we vote, but we pick up trash, we run for office, we serve on commissions and committees and task forces.  We volunteer.  We pay our taxes.  We voice our opinion and listen to other folks' opinions.  We coach, we lead Scout troops and packs, we chair committees, we work, we show up.  We participate.  We are a part of a community.  How else do we evidence the principles of the Kingdom of God, if we don't show up and contribute?  How do we earn the right to be heard if we don't roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty.  To whom do we listen?  People who have skin in the game!  If we don't have skin in the game, we are just debutantes who can't be bothered except to proffer their elevated (and probably worthless) opinions.  Show up and get involved!

- We live out our own principles
We give to the needy around us.  We treat family, friends, neighbors and strangers with honor and respect.  We champion the marginalized.  We lift up the downtrodden and don't show undo favor to those on top.  We are honest and trustworthy.  We take the slings and arrows directed at those who don't deserve it.  We live like Jesus.  Every day we can, we live like Jesus.

My friends, when it comes time to vote (whether on Nov 4 or any other time), read ahead, make your best Kingdom decision and go and vote.  Whatever it takes, go and vote!  As St Augustine of Hippo suggested to us, be a model citizen.  Let that be part of your witness is this dark, cynical and twisted world.  Be part of the solution of bringing light, hope and forthright witness to the love and grace of God.

harbarger theory: never, ever waste a vote

harbarger theory: Persistence is a good thing

A while back, our son Nate and I started reading the Spenser series of books by Robert B Parker.  Spenser (no first name ever divulged!) is a wise-cracking, well-read, tough guy Private Detective from Boston whose longtime "main squeeze" is Susan, a Cambridge-based Psychologist and best friend is a guy who does pretty sketchy and violent things named "Hawk" and whose dog (who he shares custody with Susan) is a German Short-Hair Pointer named "Pearl" (both of them).  The pic above is a vintage shot from the TV show "Spenser For Hire" with Robert Ulrich as Spenser and Avery Brooks as Hawk.  Good casting!!

I'm not sure when and if Nate quit reading the series, but I read the whole cycle from first book to last book (38 in all, plus a Christmas book published posthumously).  I persisted!  It was fun reading a series from germination to termination.  To watch the progression of the characters, the addition, subtraction and recalling of ancillary characters and just to enjoy the well-known and much-hoped-for snappy dialogue among the characters was a joy!

Parker (the author) has a knack for writing wry, snappy dialogue and, indeed, it is the dialogue and relative brief lengths of the books that make these into easily digestible nuggets of literature.  A lot of fun with good dialogue, characters and action.  Thoroughly enjoyable.

However, as I have pondered finishing this long cycle of books, I have realized a few things. 

 First, I am blessed to live in an age where I can simply call up books on my Nook and read them in whatever sequence I want to!  After all, I have probably read all the Alex Cross detective novels by James Patterson, but in a willy-nilly order because I picked them up when I found them, not in a systemized way.  It's fun to read the books in sequence.  I liked it!

Second, I pondered what makes a man tough.  While Spenser never shies away from a fight and almost always wins the fight, he is, at the same time, sentimental, fashion-conscious, a great cook and a tender romantic.  Maybe, indeed, it's his fully developed psyche that makes him a tough guy.  Maybe BECAUSE he's comfortable just being himself ... and that includes sentimentality, fashion consciousness, culinary prowess and romanticism ... that he is a tough guy.  And winning fist fights is a good bonus.  I think so.  I have often posited that a REAL man is Tough, Tender and True.  A REAL man is a man who can take it, no matter what happens.  A REAL man is tender with those who need tenderness.  A REAL man is true to those to whom he has made promises.  

Third, I have considered the meaning of long-term love and honest friendships.  Spenser and Susan tried living together and realized that it would not work.  They considered children and decided it was not a good thing with their lives (especially his).  They were considering marriage when Mr Parker passed away (no resolution there!).  But, except for a notable wandering off the farm experience for both of them, they were faithful to each other (even if Spenser got an offer in nearly every book!).  And, it was that relationship, the honesty, vulnerability and transparency that offers us a clear example of what a great marriage could be.  (I know, I know ... it's a novel and therefore easy to have a great relationship ... but, still ...)  

Also, Spenser's relationship with Hawk (as well as Vinnie, Tedy Sapp, Chollo, Bernard J Fortunato and even Bobby Horse) was quirky and deep.  All Spenser had to do is ask and these hardened, violent, criminally inclined men would drop what they were doing and help.  And Spenser would do the same.  I don't know how other folks define great friendships, but one of my barometers is that a great friend is someone who takes your calls and will help you (or you help them) at a moment's notice ... even if it costs them something.  Good friends do that for each other.

As we move through life, it seems to me that we need to cultivate the kind of loving relationships that allow us to be honest, vulnerable and transparent with each and other and be rewarded with a deeper and more complex and nuanced relationship.  It seems to me that we need to have friends upon whom we can count ... no matter what happens.  They know us well and like us in spite of it.  And they will go to the mat for us ... with us ... and we for and with them.  And most of all, we need to be so comfortable with ourselves that we can be tough, tender and true each and everyday.  We need to be that person as our default, not as our aspiration!

Thanks Spenser!  Thanks to you, Robert B Parker!  I've enjoyed the ride!

harbarger theory: persistence is a good thing

harbarger theory: 

it's always a good thing to unpack your boxes

In late July, Wendy and I moved to a new/old place to continue our itinerant ministry among another collection of God's people.  As much as I hate moving ... and hate leaving people I love ... it's been a good move.  A vibrant church, great people, impressive leaders, an excellent staff with which to share ministry.  As I said, it's been a good move!

But, a LOONG time ago, I realized a huge truth.  When you move, unpack your boxes.  I mean, not just get junk out of cardboard rectangular cubes, but unpack your boxes emotionally & metaphysically, too.  Move in to wherever you are sent.  Become a native as soon as possible.

Back in 1999 (yep, in the last century!!), we moved to New Lexington, Ohio in Perry County.  (Yeah, I know you don't know where that is.  Just look it up on Google Maps!)  Since my name begins with an "H," I change my automobile registration in June, so when I did, I had them registered in New Lex.  That was back in the days of the gold license plates with the county name stickers on the bottom.  So, when I moved into New Lex, I already had Perry County plates on my cars.  I was moving in.

Yesterday, I finished moving into my Church Office.  I got the rest of my pictures and such unpacked and hung on my walls and even installed a cord hole (with a nifty cord grommet) on my desk so that there wasn't a visible rat's nest of cords by my desk.  I moved in.  It felt good.

Then, I announced last night at Administrative Board that I planned to be here until I retire and I'm burning my boxes.  Although, I'm not a fan of the whole Conquistador history and the subjugation of native peoples and the like, it remains an amazing leadership story about Cortes.  Instead of leaving his impressive fleet of ocean-sailing ships in the harbor, Cortes decided that his men (the afore mentioned Conquistadores), needed motivation to complete the task, so he burned his ships to the waterline and sunk them.  There was no going back to Spain.  The task was only to move ahead, never back.

I think that as I move into my ministry, I need to make the assumption that I will be here forever, so I need to move in and become a ... Monrovian? Monroe-oid? Monroan? ... full resident of Monroe.  I need to unpack, move in and be a part of a community.  Go to football games.  Eat at restaurants.  Know folks.  Be known to folks.  You know ... move in.

Not that I'm a Calvinist or a Neo-Calvinisty (shudder), but I believe enough in the sovereignty of God that I believe that where I am (or where you are) is where I am (you are) supposed to be and THEREFORE, I am (you are) to move in and to do ministry right there, right now.

This principle became clear to me waaaaay back at the Drew University Theological School, where I went to seminary.  Some of my classmates were just going through the motions.  I believe their metaphor was "jumping through the hoops."  I didn't.  I believed enough in the sovereignty of God that I believed that I had something to learn and something to offer.  I moved into Drew and it became my home as I squeezed my 3 years of seminary into ... 4.  

I have done that ever since.  I have moved in.  Wherever I am becomes my home.  Wherever I am, I have something to learn and something to offer.  I dig into relationships with folks.  I buy clothes in the school colors.  I find out what is special there and celebrate it.  I become a part of the culture where God has sent me.

To be honest, I have given away most of my box

es (more useful than burning them) and am willing to give away the rest.  I am here until God sends me elsewhere (and I hope that's after my retirement in 10-15 years!!).  But, until God changes my calling, I am here, lock, stock and barrel.  All in.  All.  IN!!

Sometimes I wonder if we clergy struggle in our appointments because we don't unpack our boxes.  We hold onto where we used to be ... or would rather be ... or hope to be.  Maybe, in our hoping for the other, we miss the incredible blessings of the right here and right now.  Maybe not, but I still wonder and I will stay moved in, by golly!  

And, by the way ... I HATE moving!!!  And I hate boxes.

harbarger theory: 

it's always a good thing to unpack your boxes

  harbarger theory: faith is messy.  life is, too.

Among most of us, there is a indefatigable need to make our lives simpler and less complicated.  Much less complicated.  I suspect that is part of what makes us civilized ... at least as much as most of us are!  

However, as someone who has the amazing opportunity to "look under the hood" of other folks' lives, I am here to tell you that everybody's lives are messy.  To be honest, I think that's the way life is supposed to be.  Life is supposed to be messy and we are supposed to try to sorta tidy it up a bit.  I think that's what living the good life is about ... especially when we can ALSO enjoy the messy parts, as well!!

As I read books about Church Life (surprised you there, eh?  I really do read those books!), I find that most of the authors think that they can develop a system in their church/my church/your church where folks' faithlives will have order, purpose and follow Step 1 to Step 2 to Step 3 to Nirvana or Mt Olympus or Heaven or wherever.  Poppycock, I say!  Poppycock!

Just as soon as I get my faith going in a straight line and follow all the road signs, things go kablooey at home or with the kids or with a debt or whatever.  While I don't believe that "Nature prefers entropy (or disorder, as it used to be defined)," I also don't believe that Nature (or God) prefers things to be always neat and tidy.  I believe that God likes things to have some spontaneity and surprise and struggle and delight.

You see, struggle allows us to become stronger.  That's the way we get stronger.  We struggle to lift a heavy barbell or walk 10 miles or swim a mile.  When we do that enough, we get stronger.  Strength is a good thing.  We all need lots and lots of all kinds of strength!

Spontaneity and surprise are what makes us laugh and are what produce joy.  When we see that magnificent sunset (and I've heard sunrises are nice, as well!), we clap, we find delight in the riot of colors.  When we come across a field of wildflowers, we marvel at the glory of nature.  When we stumble upon an alpine lake and see the mountain across the way reflected in it, we are brought to silence.  These are the gifts of spontaneity and surprise.  

These the UNtidy and UNneat things in our lives that make us better and feed our souls.  Even the struggles feed us by making us better and stronger, don't they?  

So, as we develop systems for folks to grow in their faith, let us allow for the messiness of faith and life in them.  Let there be some elasticity in how we experience the presence of God and how we respond to the slings and arrows of life.  Sometimes, we get ticked off (didn't Moses?), sometimes we are cowardly (didn't Peter?), sometimes we rise to the occasion (didn't Shadrack, Meshack and Off-to-bed-we-go?).  But, in the end, even the wrong response is not necessarily a faithkiller.  Sometimes, even the wrong responses become touchstone events in our lives that allow us to make quantum leaps in our faith.

So, give yourself a break.  Allow yourself to have messy parts of your faith.  Allow yourself to have messy parts of your life.  Allow yourself to simply seek the presence of God on a consistent basis and you ... will ... get ... there.

And I promise to jump into the messiness with you.  As the inimitable Red Green is want to say, as he is tying a fishing fly, "We're all in this together!"

harbarger theory: faith is messy. life is, too!

     harbarger theory: it really is all about family

I'm (well) old enough to remember the TV show "All In The Family," where Carroll O'Connor played a family patriarch, Archie Bunker, who was racist, misogynistic and all prejudices rolled into one. Jean Stapleton played Edith Bunker, his seemingly ditzy, but oh-so-wise wife, with Sally Struthers playing Gloria, their grown hippie daughter who was married to fellow hippie, Michael Stivek, played by Rob Reiner.  This was to be a send-up of the whole generational conflict going on in the USA during the Viet Nam War.  By the way, my paternal grandfather, Papa (pronounced Pawpaw, for those keeping score at home), thought Archie was getting it about right and didn't catch on that this was deep sarcasm by a bunch of what he would have called "pinko lefties!"

In the midst of all the shenanigans that went on, one of the lessons that was clear was that the Bunker/Stivek families really, really did love each other and, in the end, it was "All About Family."

I, of course, as a father and husband have made more than my share of mistakes (haven't we all ... well, maybe not Wendy!), but I stand (sit?) here today inordinately proud of my family.  Wendy and I have had 35 happily married years.  Nate has had his share of self-imposed struggles, but is weathering them well and is on a great path in life.  Molly has pushed through some storms, both with personal relationships as well as work-related ones, and is having a great life right now.  What a joy!

In the end, I wanted to raise strong, tough, tender, caring, independent, hard-working and fun-loving kids.  It worked.  they are all of the above!  Maybe Wendy and I had a hand in it (undoubtedly mostly Wendy).  Maybe they did a lot of it themselves.  But, in the end, they are amazing and when we get together, we just have the time of our lives!!

In a few days, we all get to be together and it will be fun, with games and food or laughter and teasing and sightseeing and all.  But, most of all, it will be about us hanging out together enjoying looking into each other's eyes, hearing each other's ideas and opinions and laughing.  There will be much laughing!!

We would clearly do anything for each other.  We love each other fiercely.  We ache to be together more, but miles are in the way.  But ... for a time that will be way too short ... we will be together and that will be good.

I am so sad when I hear of families that really don't like to be together.  But, it does serve to remind me of how truly blessed I am.  We love to be together and when we are, it's like heaven on earth.

I love the woman who married me all those years ago, when I was half the man I am today!  I love my kids with all my heart.  I love my family and I am blessed beyond measure!

harbarger theory: it really is all about family

harbarger theory:

love can change us

Wendy and I went to see Maleficent in the theater, believing that it's the kind of movie that is best seen on the BIG screen, not just the big screen that we have in our home.  We were right.  

Of course, after being spoiled by movie prices in the Athens, Ohio area ($4 for all movies ... and FIRST RUN movies too! ... at Movies 10 near Nelsonville!!) we had some sticker shock at the theater prices.  WOW!!  But, that's another blog at another time ... or not.

Let me start with a confession.  I'm not a big Disney fan.  The movies are alright and some are even fun (Jungle Book   - for the music, Aladdin - for Robin Williams as the Genie), but this one was powerful!  Angelina Jolie brought her A game, I think and the Elle Fanning held her own quite well!  The story line was really good, too.

Maybe it's the story lines that bother me about the "Princess" Disney movies.  They are all about damsels in distress that NEED a man/boy to rescue them, or they are willing to give up who they are and what they have so they can have a boyfriend.  That story line really, really bothers me.  I'm all about self-sacrifice, but ... to get a boyfriend?  I don't think so.

But, this was not about getting a boyfriend.  It was about love, ambition, betrayal, anger, revenge, redemption and true love.  Powerful stuff and real-life stuff.  I liked it.  I liked it a lot!! Especially for a Disney movie!

And, here's the crux.  Love can change us.  

SPOILER ALERT!  

At the end, when Aurora, on her sixteenth birthday pricks her finger on the spinning wheel and falls into the sleep (after all, this is the story of Sleeping Beauty), the only thing that can awaken her is "True Love's Kiss."  So, they bring in a boy upon whom she has a crush.  He kisses her.  Nope.  Nothing.  Nada.  Bupkes.  She is still asleep.  So, they (and we) all assume that all is lost and Aurora will sleep forever.

Because Aurora was not afraid of Maleficent like everybody else, she has spent a lot of time with Maleficent in the Moors.  And Maleficent has come to know and actually love Aurora for who she is.  Therefore, Maleficent is taken apart by the effect of her own spell that even she cannot undo.  The one ... the only one ... whom she loves is hopelessly possessed by a powerful spell that leaves her asleep.  

Maleficent is distraught, overcome, beside herself.  She is undone.  So, in the midst of pledging to protect Aurora forever with a fierceness that makes you hope YOU never unwittingly threaten Aurora, Maleficent kisses Aurora with a tearful kiss ... and the spell is broken.

The spell wasn't broken because Aurora needed a boyfriend ... or even a dashing prince.  The spell was broken because someone who was committed to hate and revenge found herself loving someone.  The spell was broken.  But not by a boyfriend ... or a mother ... or a father ... but by a stranger who had come to love this one she hated.  Love changed Maleficent and when she kissed Aurora, she kissed with "True Love's Kiss" and broke the spell.

Now, I realize that the problems in the Middle East and among races and across religious divides are as dense, thorny and impervious as the thorn wall that Maleficent put up to protect the Moors where the Fairies lived.  Nothing seems strong enough or tough enough to take the wall down.  

But, I believe that a long campaign of love can and will defeat hatred and revenge.  There will be casualties.  There always are.  It will not happen quickly.  It never does.  But, do we want to change the world and ... really change it?  We do it with love.  Love can change us.

So, let us wage a lifelong campaign of love in this world.  Love the people you meet (whether they deserve it or not).  Love the people in your household (whether they deserve it or not).  Love yourself (whether you deserve it or not).  Love God (who actually DOES deserve it!).  If you have a choice (and we always do) ... choose love.  ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.

Love changed Maleficent.  Love has changed me.  Love can change the world. 

harbarger theory: love can change us

harbarger theory: 

we all need an anamchara

I read a book a while back and it really touched a nerve within me.  It was The Celtic Way Of Evangelism by Dr. George (Chuck) Hunter.  I have always been fascinated with Celtic art and music and now that I know more of the early missionaries to the Celts, I am even more fascinated!

There's a lot of stuff there from what I call a "Reverse Monastery" where the missionaries to the Celts of Ireland would move into a community (not to a redoubt outside a community), bringing with them useful trades and skills and become a part of that community.  As they did so, they would naturally share their faith and welcome new folks into the community.  In a world where the church seems to want to separate from the "world," I am soooo drawn to the idea of passionate, complete and intentional engagement with a community.

One of the concepts that Dr Hunter lifted up was that of an ANAMCHARA (pronounced ahnahm kahra).  An Anamchara is a spiritual friend.  This is the person who will stand by you, no matter what.  This is the person who will listen to your stuff until the cows come home, change into their jammies and go on to bed.  This is the person who, when you are being whiney and too self-indulgent, will call you on your stuff and get you back in line.  They have your back AND they want you to be the best you can be.  It's a "both/and."  Too often, our friends are "either/or."  They know us, dark sides, light sides, all sides and STILL love us!  They put up with our quirks (they may even like them!), but they aren't shy about calling us out when we are out of line.  

We all need an Anamchara.  We need someone who will help us stay faithful in our marriage, to love our partner even better and more, to help us grow in our faith and to become the people we have always dreamed of becoming.  

I am blessed to have at least 3 Anamcharas in my life.  Marcus Atha, Schuyler Rhodes and Paul Risler are guys who know WAY too much about me and love me anyway.  They have stood by me in my darkest days and laughed with me on my brightest ones.  They are not shy about calling me on my stuff and I am convinced that with one phone call, they would move heaven and earth to help me. And I would happily do the same for them.

We get together as often as we can (with Marcus and Paul with whom I share a state, it's a bit easier). But, we do the best we can through phone, Facebook, email and FaceTime.  We work at it.  We are intentional about it.  We really, really do care about each other.

You need to find an Anamchara for your life.  You need someone (to whom you are not married and preferable to whom you are not related by blood) who will love you in spite of knowing you deeply and will move heaven and earth for you and will call you on your stuff.  You really do need it.

You get an Anamchara by spending lots of time with this person.  You play together.  You eat together.  You pray together.  You work together.  You travel places together.  You spend considerable time together ... AND ... you talk about your stuff together.  You argue.  You debate.  You disagree.  You laugh.  You tease.  You share inside jokes.  You become the best friends you can be.  

If you don't have an Anamchara, you need one.  Make this your JOB NUMBER 1 until you have one.  We are never meant to walk this life alone.  We are supposed to do it "WITH."  Find someone you can walk this world "WITH."

harbarger theory: we all need an anamchara

harbarger theory: just show up

One of the mentors in my life was the inimitable Rev Dr M Steven Games, known to all of us as "Steve."  Steve was a big, lovable, loving, kinda goofy yet really, really deep guy who took a young, extroverted, somewhat cynical Youth Pastor under his wing and taught him patience (still learning that one!) and how to make it in an institutional system like the Church.

He said many things that still rattle around in my brain, like ...

"The Main Thing Is To Keep The Main Thing The Main Thing" ... and 

"You assume that things work the way they are supposed to!" ... and

"You want to get something to eat?" ... and

"The world is run by those who show up."

Steve was the kind of guy who could have organized a way to get 112 people onto a 62 person bus and they'd thank him for it!  He was the kind of guy who would sit with you and listen and talk when he really needed to be somewhere else.  

And the idea that it's important to show up has been a part of my life ever since.  I remember once when I was early in ministry and doing Youth Ministry, a parent of one of my kids had suffered a leaking brain aneurysm.  This was catastrophic and it didn't help a bit that it had been mis-diagnosed at a hospital and he had been sent home.  The aneurysm was a literal time bomb poised to kill or paralyze him at any moment.  Scary stuff!

I was leaving for a week of Middle School Camp the next day and needed to do that last minute stuff (you know what I mean!), but I stopped by the hospital about the time he was scheduled to come out of surgery.  The surgery was still going on and they didn't know WHEN the doc was going to be done.  It was tense.  It was intense (sort of like my Middle School Camp.  Get it?  Intense = In Tents? Sorry.  Never mind)

I had NO IDEA what to do, so I defaulted by having a word of prayer and then sitting down with them and waiting.  We chatted for a bit, then we lapsed into quiet.  So, I started reading old People magazines and waiting.  But, nervously waiting.  After all, I still had stuff to pack, the covers of my journals were STILL at the printers,  and the list went on.  And more than all that, I was a MINISTER!!! ... why was I sitting there like a bump on a log reading old People magazines?  Why didn't I have powerful, meaningful, deep things to say that would cure their pain?  "Loser."  "Jerk."  "Waste."  (that was the gist of my internal monologue)

Then, the Sr Pastor popped in, found out that they were still waiting and chatted for quite a bit, had a word of prayer and ... left.  (HEY! Why didn't I think of that???)

So, I waited with them a bit more and finally the surgeon came out and all had gone well.  He was going to survive and they expected no appreciable damage to him at all!!  Yahoo!!  We rejoiced, prayed words of thanksgiving, gave hugs all around and I left to finish my prep for the week of camp.  

About a month later, a friend of the family in that Waiting Room came to me privately, closed the door and told me how much that family appreciated my quiet, unobtrusive presence.  In fact, the Sr Pastor kind of ticked them off as he prattled on and on and then left.  They loved it that I just sat with them and kept quiet.  

In my own mind, I was saying stuff like, "Yeah, but I didn't do anything or say anything!  I just sat there reading old People magazines and feeling anxious!  That's ridiculous!"

But, as I spent time reflecting on that (probably in my car or shower ... my best thinking spots), I realized that what I DID do was be present.  I showed up.  I was there.  And that was the important thing.  Really ... there was very little to say other than prayer.  How were my words going to relieve their anxiety about a life-threatening condition?  What was there to say?

My presence there (unbeknownst to me!) was mediating the presence of God for them.  I was being a "Little Christ" for them.  CS Lewis (another Mentor for me!) once said in Mere Christianity, 

"Every Christian is to become a little Christ. The whole purpose of becoming a Christian is simply nothing else.”  Maybe we should stop whining about not knowing what to say and so we don't go to someone's side and simply go and sit (and maybe even read old People magazines, but I don't recommend it!).  Maybe we should just show up.

After all, like Steve would say, "The world is run by those who show up!"

harbarger theory: just show up

harbarger theory: 

chaos comes from pain

I have been a camper for 45 years or so.  Over the years, I have learned to be a neat and tidy camper.  I learned that by the bitter experiences of losing things and having them ruined by inclement weather.  Tough ways to learn, but, learn them I did.

So, normally, I put things back where they belong in my pack (that 's why I love packs with pockets!!) and keep things tidy in my tent.  It helps me find stuff when I need them.  Especially after dark!

A week or so ago, I was privileged to help lead River Expedition Camp at our beloved Camp Otterbein.  Part of that trip was a 3 day paddle down the Hocking River (starting at where Clear Creek feeds into the Hocking between Logan and Lancaster and ending at West State Street Fields Boat Access in Athens, for those keeping score at home!).  We primitively camped on gravel and sand bars riverside.  (Now THOSE are great names for Paddler's Watering Holes, if I ever heard any!  As in, "Hey, let's meet later at The Gravel Bar for a Sarsparilla!" or something like that!)

The first night of camping on the river (of course came after the first day of paddling on the river) came on the heels of pretty grueling month of packing, moving out, moving in and unpacking.  The arthritis in my lower back was more than a little angry and it had just ... had ... enough ... thank you very much!!  I was in a whole bunch of pain!  Did I mention that it really, really hurt?  

I had, of course, been keeping up with my Alleve regimen and then augmenting that with a Tylenol Arthritis Strength regimen.  And ... I was STILL in a whole bunch of pain!  So, I rested for a while after dinner, got up for evening devotions and then went to bed early, waking up in the middle of the night to take more Tylenol.

The next morning, my stuff was a mess and it took forever to pack it all up.  I just chalked it up to not camping enough recently.

My back was much better the second day!  I slowed down on my Tylenol consumption (my liver was happy about that!) and still I didn't have much pain.

On the third morning, I was a little startled to find that my stuff was put away, neat and tidy.  I was back to my old ways.  I was a competent camper again.  Hmmm.  It caused me to think.

As I paddled along in my usual position at the back of the pack (what I call "Sweep"), I was thinking about this turn of events.  And it occurred to me. 

Chaos comes out of Pain.  Hmmm ...

Then I thought about the abuse of alcohol and drugs.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about the abuse of children.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about the domestic abuse.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about gambling addiction.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought about the use of food as a crutch.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I though about kids (and adults) who act out of anger.  Chaos out of pain.

Then I thought, "I think I have something here!"  Can much of the ills of our culture come from pain.  Maybe so.  Maybe we don't cope well with pain.  Maybe we never, ever did.  Maybe ... we have always reacted to pain.

After all ...

Didn't Cain kill Abel because of pain?  

Didn't the Trojan War begin out of pain?  

Didn't the Civil War begin out of pain?

Didn't World War I (the War to end all wars) begin out of pain?

Don't I over-eat out of pain (and because I really, really like good food)?

My friends, it seems to me that it behooves us to be healers.  If my treatise is correct and "Chaos comes out of pain," then the way to break that struggle is to help folks heal and find solace.  We are to be agents of redemption; salve for the soul; catalysts for healing deep and inner wounds.  

We do that by praying for and with each other.  

We do that by listening to each other (not necessarily speaking or doing anything.      

          Sometimes it's enough to simply listen).

We do that by helping people have the courage to set a wrong right.  

We do that be stepping into the pain of other people and giving them the courage (maybe 

          simply doing it WITH them) to fix what's broken inside.

Let us be healers my friends.  Let's make this JOB #1!  

harbarger theory:

chaos comes out of pain

harbarger theory: sometimes there gets to be so many plates spinning that some start to fall.

I like to be competent.  I like to make people happy.  I like to say "Yes."  I like to be busy and successful.  I like changing the world for people.  I like that stuff.  I really do.

But, sometimes I say "Yes" to too many things and then I start dropping plates.  And, because the way my life is arranged, I end up disappointing people that I care deeply about.  I feel embarassed, horrible and like a failure.  This ends up freezing me up and it all gets worse.

Finally, I push my way through and get things done, but not as well as if they had been done right the first time I feel awful and it lingers and lingers for years.  It's amazing how I can so easily pull out my mistakes from years and years ago and flog myself bloody.  The people whom I have let down may even give me a pass and forgive me, but I have such a hard time letting myself off the hook.

What is even worse, is that I counsel people who do the same thing and I can help them move on.  But I don't let myself move on.

The Apostle Paul talks about this in the end of Romans 7 where he talks about the "wretched man" that he feels he is.  He doesn't do what he wants to do and he does what he doesn't want to do.  Maybe you don't have this problem, but ol' Paul and I do.  We want to bring change and redemption to a hurting and damaged world.  We want to be carriers of light into the darkness.  We want to do so many good things.  But, we mess up.  We fail.  We let people down.

Just when I start to feel good about what's going on in my life, I mess up again.  Sure, I'm not going to jail, nor have I had a moral failure.  But, still ... I have let people down that I care about.  These are the things that haunt my heart.  These are the failures that I flog myself with.

Pray for me.  Pray that I'll move out of some of my commitments in a way that allows them to flourish, so that I can actually keep all my plates spinning without having some drop and shatter on the floor.

harbarger theory: sometimes there gets to be so many plates spinning that some start to fall.

A Good Dad Had A Great Pop

harbarger theory: Dad are important

I may be living in denial, but I think I'm a pretty good dad. I sure hope so, because I like being a dad more than anything else in life. Heck, I like being a dad even more than ice cream! Even more than GREAT ice cream!!! That's. A. LOT!!!

Not that I have blindly copied his way of parenting ... Not that I haven't made mistakes ... Not that I think he DIDN'T make mistakes ... Not that anybody is perfect ...

But ... a LARGE reason why I have any success as a dad is because of Pop. He was a strong man who was tender, true and tough. He was tough enough to do the right thing. He was true enough for us to depend upon him, no matter what. He was tender enough to be loving and affectionate to Mom, to me, to my family.

Pop was a REAL MAN.

-- He loved me unquestioningly and without reserve. Because of that, I now have an understanding of God's unconditional love.

-- He led naturally. Because of that, I have learned what it means to lead a church.

-- He was faithful to all that was important. To Mom. To us. To his work. To his church. To his community. To God. Because of that, I have learned what fidelity means.

-- He laughed easily. He loved well. He enjoyed life. Because of that, I know how to live a good life.

It's Father's Day. Pop's been gone now a bit more than 7 months and I ache most days because of the grief. My heart is breaking as I write this. But, I am the man that I am and the dad that I am in large part because of the man he was and the dad that he was. I am my father's son and I am ... oh, so proud of being so.

I am thankful that I had a great father. Pop, I miss you and I love you. I live everyday living up to your standards.

Happy Father's Day!

Joel

A Page Has Turned!

harbarger theory: you raise your kids to have wings and darned if they won't use `em!

Yesterday and this morning, we moved almost all of Molly's (our daughter) stuff to the garage in order to stage it for loading a U-Haul truck to take her and (almost) all of her wordly goods to Portland, OR. Then, about 10:30am, she drove off to meet up with some friends in Columbia, MO, where she went to college (maybe for the last time is a very long time).

This makes me sad. As I reflected upon that, it occurred to me that, as long as her stuff was crammed into "her" room (although she has never "lived" here, but only stayed here), there was this illusion of us having a live-in daughter. But, not now. She's gone. I miss her, already.

It also brings up the pain of our son being gone (probably forever) since he moved to California when he was just out of High School and probably won't be moving back, either. I've always missed him, but it was not as poignant since we still had the potential of Molly. He's gone. I've missed him for years.

I guess we are OFFICIALLY empty-nesters. I'd have to say that I don't like it. Not one little bit. I love being a dad. I love interacting with my kids regularly. Sure, I can talk to them anytime with cell phones and texting and e-mail and the interwebz, but ... I can't sit in the living room and drink a cup of morning tea or coffee with them and talk face-to-face. And that's my fave way to talk with anybody.

So ... a page has completely turned. Our kids are both gone and, unless something unexpected happens, they will not be moving back in. I miss it already.

Sure, it can be exciting for Wendy and me to make this next transition, but for right now, I'm just grieving my loss.

I always wanted my kids to be strong, independent, hard-working and happy. They are certainly all of the above. It just stinks that they are doing that two or three thousand miles away from me. I miss hugging my babies.

Nate ... I love you & I miss you!

Molly ... I love you & I miss you!

Pops

harbarger theory: you raise your kids to have wings

and darned if they won't use `em!

Time's A-Wastin'

harbarger theory: bob dylan was partially right. some people NEED to get stoned!

You probably saw the billboards, heard it on the news and, if you are like me, you just shook your head at all the fuss.

Harold Camping, one of the owners and show host on the Family Radio, has delved into the biblical prophetic literature (specifically Daniel and Revelation), dusted off his calculator and somehow determined that on May 21, 2011 the Rapture would happen at 6:00pm with the occurrence of the worst earthquake EVER! If you experience May 22, then you (and I) were either left behind, or … he was wrong.

Interesting. You see, in the era when God primarily spoke through people that were called to be the mouthpieces of God (they were called Prophets), there was a strict rule. You see, God is NEVER wrong, so if you made a prediction and said, “God will do THIS or THAT” and that thing did not happen, there were consequences. That person was summarily dragged outside the city gates and the people threw rocks at her or him until they were … dead. The penalty for speaking for God falsely was DEATH.

Now, be clear. I am NOT advocating that anything like this happen to Mr. Camping or his friends and followers who have helped in disseminating these falsehoods. But, I would respectfully ask them to be quiet from now on. They should turn off their radio transmitters. They could give it away to people who DO speak truthfully for God. Or they could just go away, get a job and help the poor. They could do anything but … speak for God anymore. They have been discredited and have done damage to the good name of the Church. So, please just go away and do some good to try to do penance for the damage you have done.

For the rest of us, we need to realize that sensationalist drivel may sell radio advertising, billboards or make exciting Christian tabloid fodder. But, it does not advance the Kingdom of God. It distracts us from the mission of sharing our faith with our neighbor by our lives, our attitudes and our words. We would be better served by feeding the hungry or having a cup of coffee and listening to a friend who needs to talk or teaching a little one about the love of God or sharing our faith with a friend who is seeking. The work of the Kingdom of God is not about goofball proclamations, but about day-in-and-day-out conducting lives marked by God’s love, grace and mercy.

Therefore, I am declaring a Drivel-Free Zone at the church that I serve and we will be working, studying, laughing, singing, worshipping, and sharing the Kingdom of God with whoever will listen with attitudes marked by God’s love, grace and mercy. Then, when Jesus DOES come back (and he will one day!), we’ll be able to stand before the Mercy Seat with confidence of the children of God and hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servants!”

harbarger theory: bob dylan was partially right. some people NEED to get stoned!

well, not really ... but, some days ....

CS Lewis Likes Final Battles!

harbarger theory:earthy spirituality is heavenly

I finally have gotten back to good ol' Jack (as his family called him). Not sure how they got Jack as a nickname for Clive Staples Lewis, but ...

I finished the Space Trilogy with That Hideous Strength where the nefarious N.I.C.E Institute was working in concert with the "Macrobes" or the Eldil that is in control of Tellus (earth) comes in conflict with the powers of right that is headquartered in a home in St Anne's led by our old friend Ransom.

But, so as to not offer any more of a spoiler, I'll simply deal with a small part of the final battle at the end of the book.

To empower the forces of good, the Eldils who have never visited the quarantined planet, Tellus, come to visit and lend firepower. When Perelandra (Venus) comes, all who are in the vicinity of her coming, find themselves a bit amorous. This is without a hint of apology. How refreshing!!! The human couples are married folk and they get a bit frisky and seem to like it. I like that!!! It's about time!!!

Also, the Eldil Malacandra (Mars) comes down and inspires humans and animals to lay a whuppin' on the bad guys ... again without apology. Sometimes (even for a pacifist like me) bad guys need a whuppin'! It happened. Must have been frightening though for those receiving the whuppin' to have it laid down by tigers and wolves and such. YIKES!!!

I've always been a person who believes that real spirituality includes human emotions and tendencies. Within the right relationships, amorousness is a GREAT thing. It can and should happen ... as often as possible. And, sometimes bad guys need to be stopped. These are just human reactions.

I think our tendency as folks of faith is to promote a spirituality that is nice, but a little forced and maybe sterile. I don't find that to be a faith that is attractive. I think a proper faith is about enjoyment (and that includes physical enjoyment), laughter and also resistance to that which is wrong (and that may include physical resistance).

In the end, let's worry a bit less about those things that bring us physical enjoyment (within bounds, of course) and more about making our hearts right with God. After all, we belong to a faith that starts with getting the heart right and having the heart lead our behavior. If ... for me... swearing is something that gets between me and God, then I need to stop it. If ... for you smoking or drinking gets between you and God, then you need to stop it. But, we find that out by submitting our hearts to the leadership and sovereignty of God.

Of course, this is not a license for licentiousness (how about that for alliteration??). You know better than that. But, it is a call for us to lighten up a bit and let God deal with our hearts and to support each other in the process.

CS Lewis celebrated physical resistance to evil and the physical celebration of love. I think we should too!! So, go get all snugly with your spouse. Go ahead, the blog will be here when you get back. Just go. GO!!!!

And, stand up for what is right ... even if it puts you in harm's way or forces you to come into opposition with the powers that be. Fight injustice. Speak truth to power. Denounce evil. Look it in the eye and tell it to leave and never come back. Do it as often as you need to and if you need someone to watch your back, call me. I'll back you up!

In the end, be comfortable with the body God gave you and use it for the glory of God. Love your loved one. Fight evil. Laugh deeply. Cry from your heart. Feel with your heart. These are God's gifts to you. Enjoy them!

harbarger theory:earthy spirituality is heavenly

Free Will-y or Workin' The Plan, Man?

harbarger theory: God DOES have a plan for your life, but it's up to you to follow it!

Wendy and I wanted to go to a movie tonight. We ended up choosing The Adjustment Bureau at 6:50pm at Movies 10 near Nelsonville. Was it REALLY our choice or was it part of "The Plan?" In this movie, "Fate" or "The Plan" are written by "The Chairman" (a euphemism for God).

Like usual, I don't want to offer a spoiler, so let me share less about what happens in the movie and discuss more about what the movie is all about.

The Adjustment Bureau talks a LOT about the issues of Free Will and Predestination. These two schools of thought are described in Christian theology as Arminianism and Calvinism. The Calvinist or Reformed idea is that because God is omniscient (sees all), that OF COURSE, God would determine what would happen in every bit of our lives. So, when we hear, "God has a wonderful plan for your life," some mean that explicitly. They mean that God has already determined whether you will come to faith or not, marry this person or not, succeed in life or not. Proponents of this school of thought talk about this in terms of God's sovereignty. The idea is that IF God really is sovereign, then God must control the destinies of humanity.

I'm afraid that I have never, ever been comfortable with this line of thinking. To my way of thinking, God has a plan for each of us, but it is completely up to us to follow it every step of the way ... or not. We have the ability to thwart the will of God for our lives. I know, I know ... What is God thinking?? God has placed complete choice in OUR hands? What a CRAZY idea!!! We're not equipped for that!

You don't believe me? Really? Then explain things like war, despots, serial killers, child abuse or weak and tepid coffee. Nope, we're not equipped ... or are we?

Maybe we have the capability to do amazing things, as well. You don't believe me? Really? Then explain things like millions of dollars given to help people affected by the Japan earthquake within hours of the huge rumble, people who take their own vacations to build trails in state and national parks, build homes for the poor, give of their hard-earned money to give care to people they don't even know. What is God thinking? That we have the capacity to do amazingly loving and caring things. God HAS placed complete choice in our hands. What an crazy fabulous idea! We are divinely equipped for this!

You see, this is EXACTLY what the issue is. God's will for us is to love God and to love each other. But, you see, love requires that we have be able to choose. Forced or required love is no love at all. But, when we rise to what we were created to be, we live lives of love. We love God and therefore we love our neighbors (both next door and across the globe!).

Of course, we can also choose to be selfish or hateful or simply petty. We ARE capable of incredible horrors. That is our choice.

To choose the best, we have to have the worst as a choice, as well. That's the risk that God takes. But, isn't that the risk that ll of us take when we choose to love? We take the risk that they might hurt us. Love IS a risk.

Gentle reader, God trusts you to choose love, grace and mercy. Choose it and the world will be a better place. Deny it and the world will be a darker and more dangerous place.

It's all up to you. You are free to do as you wish. Your will is, indeed, free. Our calling, though is to make Joshua's choice and say this to those around you ...

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and myhousehold, we will serve the LORD."

Choose love. Choose love.

harbarger theory: God DOES have a plan for your life, but it's up to you to follow it!

Sometimes strong men cry

harbarger theory: you can never replace the ones you love. you just miss them.

We lost Pop last October. It was a dark day for all of us. He was one of the lights of our lives. Many of us have been limping along ever since.

But, we who loved Wayne Harbarger are not the only ones who grieve. Thousands grieve every day and they didn't get 86 years with their loved one. Some only get days, hours or a few short years.

But, we all hurt.

There are constants in the human condition. One of those is pain. We all have pain. Some of it is self-inflicted; some of it is inflicted by others intentionally; some of it is inflicted by others unintentionally; some is random; some is a part of life.

Missing Pop is a part of life. He lived a great life. A great life. He loved. He was loved. He did great things. He raised a family and loved a good woman. He was afflicted with cancer and it killed him.

But, I still miss him. When I eat ice cream, I miss him. When I take a walk on a nice day, I miss him. When I tell people, "Good on you!" I miss him. He'll never see me succeed again. He'll never go golfing with me again (Oh, how he loved to golf). We'll never try a new restaurant again. There are a whole host of things I'll never do with him again. That brings me pain.

But, I'm a lucky one. I was able to do those things with him. I was able to take him to doctor's visits and hospitals. I laughed with him. I talked theology with him. We shared books. I got to be his son. I'm the lucky one.

Love always takes the risk of pain. Necessarily. If there is no risk of pain, there is no real love.

It was worth it. It was worth it all.

I love you, Pop.

harbarger theory: you can never replace the ones you love. you just miss them.

It's a small world after all!!!

harbarger theory: it's a small world, but i wouldn't want to paint it!

Like many of you, I woke up this morning to hear about the devastating earthquake in Japan, which unleashed a tsunami that tried to devour that island nation and Sumatra and sent it hurtling across the globe through Hawaii to the West Coast of the USA. I was transfixed by it and have been listening to radio reports all day. Amazing.

At first, I listened and then was relieved that Sacramento (where my "beloved son in whom I am well pleased" lives along with my brothers and their families) was not going to be threatened. WHEW!!!!

But, then I sat up in horror!! I knew people all along that tsunami's path!!

My first appointment as an ordained pastor was at First UMC in Middletown, OH. Among a few other duties, I was the Youth Guy. And, as is my wont, I became very close to those kids. One family hosted a Japanese exchange student and, as time went on, Paul ended up marrying her. Paul was one of my very, very faithful kids in the group and, indeed went on to seminary and ended up as a sorta kinda missionary in Japan. He and Mari and their boys are living and serving in Tokyo currently. But he used to serve in Sendai. The epicenter of the earthquake. My heart was in my throat.

After a number of years, I moved to First UMC in Athens, OH where, among some other duties, I was the Youth Guy and the Campus Minister. One of the college students at the Wesley Student Center was Shannon. Shannon was raised in Hawaii and after she got married, she and her hubby moved back to Hawaii in Aiea. Now, my hawaiian geography is lousy and I don't know if Aiea is on the side of the island that the tsunami was going to hit, but, even if it's not, there has to be fallout where she lives. Again, my heart was in my throat.

Before I came back to Ohio, I had become best friends (dare I say brother?) with Schuyler while we were both in seminary at Drew Univ Theological School. After a time of serving in NYC, he relocated to the Left Coast and now serves Temple UMC in San Francisco. SF is one of the few places in Cali that does NOT have cliffs for a coastline.

I've been on pins and needles all day. I noticed Schuyler was on Facebook, so I called him from my cell to his. He's OK. They're OK. WHEW!!!!

I got a Facebook post from one of the folks I did youth ministry with back in Middletown that Paul, Mari and the family are OK in Japan. WHEW!!!!

I just got a Facebook post from Shannon that she and her family are OK in Hawaii. WHEW!!!!

This morning, I am glad that I got to pray fervently for these people who are a part of me and are part of my family. I am glad they are OK. And I thank God for Facebook, cell phones and modern communication technology because it allowed me the grace to hear of and from these beloved people so easily and quickly.

Technology is not ALWAYS of the devil!! = ) Sometimes, it is a gift from God!!!

I further reflected that I am a blessed man because I know and love people who live all over the globe. Although times like these can fray one's nerves, it's because of the shared love and history that makes the moments frantic. This world is so vast and varied, yet sometimes it seems like a small marble floating in the universe and we are just one big village. To think that one tsunami could threaten 3 families that I know and love amazes me. I thank God for far-flung relationships! I thank God they are safe!! And I thank God knowing that, because these people are where they are and they are WHO they are, they will help other people who have been affected by this terrible event.

But, mostly, I just thank God!!

harbarger theory: it's a small world, but i wouldn't want to paint it!